


Choices We Make

by like_my_mirror_years_ago36



Series: Surviving Destiny [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Choices, F/M, Nanda Parbat, Protective Oliver, Team Arrow, The right amount of smut, badass Felicity, olicity - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-03-30 02:19:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3919165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/like_my_mirror_years_ago36/pseuds/like_my_mirror_years_ago36
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Team Arrow decides to try to free Oliver from Nanda Parbat. When they fail once more, Ra's gives Felicity a choice. Can she save Oliver, everyone she loves and herself?  Can she survive the consequences of her choice?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Frack Yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first attempt, so please be kind. I'm really just head over heals in love with Olicity and needed to express it somehow. All these daydreams stuck in my head needed to come out so i'm not just thinking about them all day... Anyway, it really doesn't stick with the plot of the show, just a heads up. It may get mushy as parts, so don't eat anything too sugary sweet while reading so you don't get sick.. And I hope you enjoy it at least a little bit. (:

_Felicity_

I sat in the foundry, staring at my computer, trying to force my hands to stop shaking. Images of the new Oliver flashed across my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut.  _It wasn't him. It wasn't My Oliver. Not Anymore._ I held back a choking sob, trying to steady my breathing. I've done enough crying. Crying isn't going to help anymore. My heart already poured out, what else could it be doing for me. 

My computer screen was empty. I had nothing running, no programs, no missions. I had no desire to. _Since when was I this weak? This isn't what he would want._ That thought hurt more than the others. It isn't what he would want. But he isn't here to want things for me right now. I heard footsteps and I turned back to see who it was. John was walking down the stairs. I felt a little better now. Like I wasn't so alone. We both were hurting, just in different ways. John was angry, I was empty. He woke up with a desire for revenge, and I woke up unable to get out of bed. Maybe we could help balance each other out.  _  
_

"How's Sara and Lyla?" I asked, recalling the events of the night before. Oliver had kidnapped Lyla to use as bait, which turned out well for him because we let him get Nyssa. But we got Lyla back, so there was a silver lining.

"Safe. I'm not letting him get anywhere near them ever again," He growled out. He looked tired. His eyes didn't have the light they normally did, and the corners of his mouth had no curve. He stood beside me and I put my hand on his arm, wishing I could help heal some of the pain inside him. "No computer programs today?"

I sighed, "No, not today. It took me so long to fix up this place after they trashed it. I guess I just don't have the energy to do it." He placed his hand on mine and looked into my eyes.

"Felicity, how are you? I can't tell. None of us can. We're all worried about you."

I turned my hand over and squeezed his, sending him a quick smile. "I'm handling it. Just slowly. I'm alright."

He nodded, seeming to realize that he wasn't getting much out of me tonight. We heard more footsteps and turned to see Laurel and Roy walking down the steps of the foundry as well. Figures that none of us can sleep. How can we when out heart is in Nanda Parbat?

"Restless, too, guys?" Roy asked. Laurel walked right behind him, in her Black Canary gear.

"Apparently not as much as Laurel," I teased, and she smiled at me. "Getting some vigilante-ing in?"

She laughed and shook her head. "I wasn't sure if you'd have anything for me to do. Plus I have a ton of laundry to do, so if I don't have to waste a cute outfit i'm not going to."

I chuckled at that, too. "Well, sorry to disappoint, but I have nothing running tonight."

Roy and Laurel exchanged glances. "Felicity Smoak not running a program? Is that even possible?" 

"Took the words right out of my mouth, Kid," John added in, throwing me a sideways glance. 

I shrugged. "It took a lot of work getting this place back up after Oli- after the other night. I'm exhausted." 

Laurel gave a small nod, accepting my answer. Roy, on the other hand, did not look convinced. "We miss him, too, Felicity. There has to be a way to get him back." 

My heart constricted and I turned to look at my blank computer screen. Flashes of Oliver with his sword over John crossed my mind. Roy was assuming there even was an Oliver to get back. 

"You weren't there when we tried to break him out the first time, Kid," John pointed out, "That place is like a maze with a literal assassin at every turn. Hell we would need Oliver to break Oliver out, and even then it would be a stretch."

"But last time you tried to break him out you didn't really have a plan. You guys were just winging it. If we came up with a plan before we went we could do it." 

"We don't know what the place looks like, Roy," Laurel interjected, "not enough of it at least. And there's no way of finding it. Felicity checked everywhere. If she can't find it no one can." 

I put my hand over my heart and made a pouty face as a thank you. 

Roy leaned his on a a table and let out a frustrated sigh. “So what? That’s it? You all are just going to give up?”

“I don’t think you understand, Roy,” John stepped forward, face contorted with anger, “He kidnapped my wife. He isn’t Oliver. There’s no one to save.”

“He gave her back to you! I know it was wrong, but Digs, he gave her back unharmed! And then he didn’t kill you!” Roy’s face was bright red as he slammed his fists down on the table. I jumped and their attention turned to me. I grabbed my shaking hand and pressed it into my lap. I didn’t want them to see how frail I was now. If I was weak compared to them before, I’m nothing compared to them now. My one quality was being compromised.

John kneeled down in front of my and took my hands. “Felicity, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing”, I lied, looking at my trembling hand in his. “I didn’t get much sleep and your arguing is upsetting me. I know we’re all hurting but we can’t be yelling at each other like this. Roy, I miss him, too. I feel like half of me has been ripped out—” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath against the pain that contracted my heart. “I miss him. But he made his choice. I can’t lose anyone else.”

“What if I promised you wouldn’t.” Malcolm Merlyn appeared from the shadows of the foundry. Laurel reached for her sword as John pivoted and grabbed his gun. I remained sitting, too drained to deal with this today. I wanted everyone out of here. I didn’t want to think about Oliver. I just wanted to stare at my empty computer screen and mimic it with my soul.

“I wouldn’t believe you,” I cooly replied, leaning my head on my hand and closing my eyes.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here, Merlyn?” Laurel snapped.

“I’m here to help you.” He stretched out his hands, showing that he had no weapons in them, and kept them outward, palms facing us as he spoke, “I know the island. I know the league. I think that if we combine all of our skills— and make a plan, like the boy suggested— that we can rescue Oliver.”

“And why would you want to do that?” John asked, not lowering his gun. The muscles in his back were tight and his hand was steady. At least he was channeling his anger into strength.

“Because I think you all forget that Oliver was like a son to me. I care for him, too. And Thea’s my daughter, and she hasn’t been the same since he left. Are you really going to stand there and tell me that you all haven’t been suffering a great deal since he left?”

“How can we trust you?” Roy asked.

Malcolm looked at me when he spoke, his eyes burning into mine, “Oliver spoke of you to me, once, Felicity.” My heart sped up a million times faster than it should have been. “He spoke of how he had never had someone see all the sides of him, understand his so thoroughly and not see him as just a monster. He told me that if you could see into him, see who he truly was, then you could see the good in anyone. I need you to see that good in me now, Felicity.”

My eyes brimmed with tears and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. I believed that, at least. That sounded like something My Oliver would say. My Oliver. As a tear glides its way down my cheek, I remember saying leaving him on Nanda Parbat.

 

 

> Everyone else had walked away. It was just me and him, like it had been the night before. That felt right. It felt good. Being with him, just him. I was my best self with him. I didn’t feel normal. I didn’t feel boring. I felt alive. He stared into my eyes and touched my cheek with his hand. God, I barely remember what he said.
> 
> “Let’s not say goodbye this time.”
> 
> And then his lips were on mine. Oh, I could feel it in my soul. Everything in me shifted, realigned to be closer to him. To be one with him. He was everything.

 

I blinked a few times, coming out of the memory of him. John had his gun lowered, facing me. Concern laced his face and was mirrored in the expressions of Roy and Laurel. I wiped the tear off my cheek and sat up straight. “I believe him.”

“Alright, Merlyn. But if you’re wrong, I swear to God––” John threatened.

“I know, I know.” Malcolm nodded. He strode over to me and handed me a piece of paper. "Scan this into your computer.”

I did as he instructed and within seconds a hand-drawn blueprint appeared before my eyes. Oh, my God.

“That, my friends, is Nanda Parbat. Are you ready to make a plan?”

Everyone’s eyes turned to me. I nodded, “Frack yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. (: I hope to post more soon and constantly. I don't have anyone editing it for me, so I apologize for the mistakes that no doubt are in there. Thanks again. (:


	2. Nanda Parbat Redemption (Much like Shawshank, but not.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again (: Thank you for making it to the second chapter of my story. This particular story might be a little faster paced, mainly because it's a pet peeve of mine to read things that people don't end up finishing and I don't have time currently to make this as long as I truly would like. So if it's rushed, I apologize and if you yell at me, I will stop, mainly because I'm prone to tears when being yelled at and will do anything to make you not hate me anymore. But I do have many fun things in mind for this, so if you do stay, I'll at least try to make it a pleasant journey. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it at least a tiny bit. Thanks for making it this far. (:

It took a few days. We practiced routines, battle strategies, and escape plans. And by 'we', I really mean 'they'. I'm still pretty much useless when it comes to fighting. Besides getting shot that once-- not as cool as you'd think-- I hadn't really had to fight. Well, by that I mean no one took the time to teach me. Oliver was suppose to, but... 

I took a deep breath and shook my head. Was it too early for vodka? I peered at the clock on my computer screen. 1:46 A.M. Did that count as early or late? The metallic cry of swords broke through my contemplations of alcohol consumptions. Roy and Malcolm were going head to head. I'll give it to the kid, he was really holding his own. Thea was lucky to have him. My heart sunk as I thought that. I couldn't lose him on her, too. It was bad enough that I lost her brother. I couldn't take him, too.

John sat next to me, sweat beading on his forehead. He looped a protective arm around my shoulders. "What are you thinking, Felicity?" 

"I'm thinking you need a towel." 

He tipped his head back and laughed, which made the corners of my mouth curve. "You're still funny. How are you feeling about this, though? Do you really think that we can make this work?" 

My hand started shaking again. I grabbed it with my left hand and tucked it out of site. "I don't know, John. But all I keep thinking is that if it were any one of us stuck on that Island, it wouldn't have taken Oliver this long to try and save us. We need to try. I just need to make sure all of you come back safely." 

He rubbed his hand up and down my arm. "We'll do our best."

"Damn right, we will." 

"I just," he sighed, pulling his arm away and resting his elbows on his knees, "I hope that there's an Oliver to save. Are you prepared for that? I know it's been hard on all of us. But when I learned that he had taken Lyla, my world stopped. That must be what you feel like right now." 

I tilted my head and looked at him through my eyelashes, "John Diggle, are you trying to get emotional with me? Are you going soft?" 

His lips pulled into a crooked smile. "Avoid my questions all you want, I'm not going to stop worrying about you, Kid."

I smiled up at him, "I'm fine, John. Go kiss your kid and snuggle your wife." 

He nodded his head and stood, "I plan on it. Get some sleep. We're leaving in a few hours." 

Malcolm and Roy finished their sparing session and Malcolm grouped us all together. "Alright, I think you guys are as ready as we have time to get. We'll leave at 6:00 A.M. sharp. Do  _not_ be late. All of you can go now. Come rested, they'll be." 

I got up and went to leave, but Malcolm grabbed my arm. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" 

I nodded my head. "We need to do this." 

"We'll keep you safe, Felicity," He said as he let go of my arm.

I smiled slightly, feeling nothing. I had felt empty since the moment I walked away from Oliver on that stupid island. I grabbed my coat and walked to the door. Without turning around, I answered him. "I'm not worried about that, Malcolm." 

* * *

 My hand was shaking uncontrollably by the time I got home. Was this some form of PTSD? I could probably look up the symptoms but that would totally freak me out more. 

I peeled off my clothes, leaving a trail to my bedroom and changed into my jammies. I curled into my bed and wrapped my arms tight around my pillow. I just stared restlessly into the darkness for a while. I was exhausted. I'd been for weeks. I don't think that I had slept more than three hours a night since Oliver left. I flipped over on my back and sighed. I thought of that night we spent together. How perfect it was. Images tore at my mind, looks and glances that he sent me on a daily basis that are just gone now. The little things we used to fight about. The look of relief on his face every time he learned that I was okay. He loved me. It took me so long to believe that someone like him could love someone like me that I wasted all our time together.  _Damnit_. 

I sat up and wiped the tears that were pouring down my cheeks. This isn't what I was suppose to be doing. I looked at my clock, 3:30. Frack it, I'm not sleeping tonight. I grabbed my tablet and went into the kitchen, pouring myself two fingers of whiskey and plopping down at my kitchen table. Food. I should probably be eating, too, but that was too much energy. Depression really rips through a person. 

I ran over our plans over and over, sipping my poison while contemplating whether or not we could pull it off. Our plan was solid. I mean, as solid as a plan to break   into the league of assassins could be. We had some back-up plans and escape routes set, too. I just hoped that we were doing the right thing trusting Malcolm. Not the we really had a choice, though. 

Thinking about it made my hand shake.  _Damnit_. This is what i'm afraid of. What if my hand shakes in the mission and I can't type or do anything. My one skill could be compromised. Then what was I worth? Who would I lose? I finished off my whiskey and took a deep breath. No. You know what, no. I wasn't going to lose anyone. I'd make damn sure of it. 

I walked over to my fire escape and climbed out. I sat there and watched the twinkling lights of the city, taking it all in. It could be the last time I see this. I searched my emotions on that thought. I still felt nothing. I guess I was okay with that, then. I either come back here with Oliver, or I don't come back at all. That's my personal plan. 

I stayed out there as long as I could before I had to get dressed and go back to the foundry. I was the last one to get there, and they all stared at me, surprised. I shrugged my shoulders as we made our way to Malcolm's van to take us to his private jet. Before long we were all settled in. I strapped myself in, waiting for the fear to set in. It never came. The numbness washed over me. 

"You okay?" John asked, taking the seat next to me, "I know how nervous you are about planes." 

I smiled at him, "I"m fine. I had some liquid courage before I got on." 

He chuckled, "Smart girl."

I looked around the cabin. Our team looked exhausted. Laurel was slumped over in a chair, barely keeping her eyes open. Roy was sprawled out across a few seats, snoring away. John's head was bobbing next to me. Malcolm had his back turned to all of it. What a fun team we were. 

I stared out the window, leaning my head against it. I watched the clouds soar past as we sailed over them. It hit me, then, that I hadn't gotten any sleep. I closed my eyes and slowly drifted off.  

> _I was walking down a hallway. It was long, narrow, and dark. A single light shone at the end of the of it. I walked down it, but it just got longer and longer. Panic coursed through my veins and I broke out into a run. I couldn't catch up to it. My lungs burned, but I pushed on. Suddenly the light was everywhere. I skidded to a stop, trying to slow myself down. I slammed into the wall, my body falling to the ground. I moaned in pain. Hands were on me, pulling me up._
> 
> _"Felicity," A voice whispered, arms wrapped around me. I looked up to see Oliver staring down at me with concern filled eyes. "Are you okay? Are you alright?"_
> 
> _I reached up and cupped his face in my hands. He leaned his cheek into my palm and tears escaped my eyes. Oliver. My Oliver. "I'm fine, I'm perfect."_
> 
> _He slid his hand up my body until it was cupping my cheek. "I've missed you so much, Sweetheart." He dipped his head down and captured my mouth with his. I felt like I was floating, like I wasn't even real. I kissed him back with the same passion and urgency that he kissed me with. He wrapped his fingers in my hair and suddenly I was melting, melting into him. I moaned into his mouth and he pushed me against the wall, his hand tracing over my body. His tongue slipped its way into my mouth, causing me to moan again. He traced his hand up my stomach, between my breasts and stopped at my throat. I tried_ _to pull myself closer to him._
> 
> _I gasped as his grip tightened on my throat. It was painful and jerking. I couldn't breath. My hands dropped from his body and clawed at his. I fought for a single breath. He pulled his head back so I could look into his eyes. They were pitch black. I tried to scream, but he tightened his grip. He got closer, so our foreheads were touching and the blackness of his eyes bored into mine._
> 
> _"You are_ nothing _to me."_

I awoke with a jolt, sitting straight up. My breath hitched on a sob and I quickly covered my mouth to muffle it, but I couldn't stop the flow of tears. My whole body shook as I tried to process what just happened. 

"Felicity?" John asked, sitting up. I must have woken him up. I stared at him wordlessly, tears still streaming from my eyes. "What's wrong? What happened?" He wrapped his arms around me and I collapsed into him, sobbing as quietly as I could into his chest so I wouldn't wake the others. "Shh," he soothed me, rubbing his hand up and down my back, "Talk to me." 

When I calmed down enough to steady my breathing I pulled back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I whispered, avoiding his eyes, "It was just a bad dream. I'm alright." 

He looked at me for a while and wrapped me back up in his arms. "Oliver?" I nodded my head, a fresh wave of tears streamed down my face. He just held me wordlessly for a while, letting me cry myself out. When my eyes finally dried I pulled back and he caught my chin in between his two fingers. "We'll get him back, Felicity. I promise. Now get some sleep. I'm right here if you need me." 

I nodded my head and leaned into his shoulder, closing my eyes and trying to push away the images that plagued me. 

* * *

 

We got to the island when it was dark, as our plan was. The cover of night was what we needed. We all changed into form-fitting black jumpsuits. I desperately wished for something looser. I strapped my tablet to my belt and turned it to the side to it wouldn't be in my way when I ran. 

Malcolm spread the blueprints on a small table and we gathered around him. "Alright, team. Laurel and Roy, you guys are going to go through this entrance. John and Felicity, this one. I'll go through this one here," He pointed to them as he spoke, "Remember that we only have thirty seconds that the hall is unattended while the guards are changing. If we don't make it to this room here," He stopped and pointed again, "In that time, we're done. After we meet there, we can stay together. From there we take this hallway to Oliver's chambers. He may have guards in front of his door, so remember to stay in the shadows at all costs. I'll take care of the guards." 

"And then once we have him we take this hallway, right?" Roy asked, pointing to it.

Malcolm nodded, "Exactly. Glad you were paying attention." 

"I know we've been over this a million times," Laurel spoke up, "but it still just seems too easy." 

Malcolm glared at her, "Are you questioning me?" 

"And what if I am?" She challenged, getting closer to him. 

"Hey!" I said, in my big voice. "This is not the time for this. We are too close now. Let's just get ready."

They glared at each other some more, but nodded their heads. 

The plane landed on the deserted side of the island, but it didn't take us very long to get to where we needed to be. We split into our mini-teams and positioned ourselves near our entrances. John and I were crouched as low as we could be, waiting for our guard to leave. He stood straight and tall in front of the door. If I didn't know any better I would have thought he was a statue. 

John placed his hand on the small of my back and I turned my head to look at him. "Stay behind me," he whispered. I nodded. 

The statue pressed a hand to his ear and nodded his head before turning and disappearing into the building. I could hear Malcolm in my head,  _count to five. By then they'll be down the hall. Then run._

John nodded and took off, I followed right by his head. We slipped into the door, making sure not to let it slam. We raced down the hallway, pressing ourselves as tight against the wall as we could. I scraped my face against the rough stone and bit my lip to keep from making any noise. We turned down the hallway and rushed to the meet-up point. I slammed into Diggle's outstretched arm. A guard was rounding the corner. John turned and grabbed me, covering my mouth, and crouched us into a crevice in the wall. My heart was hammering against my chest so loud I was sure the guard could hear it. But he walked right past us. We waited a few more seconds to be sure he was gone before climbing out and sprinting again. 

I didn't exhale until we made it to the room. Everyone else was there, panting and bent over. 

"Thank God," Laurel said, wrapped me in her arms quickly. "We thought you got caught for a second." 

"There was a guard walking down the hallway," Diggle panted, "we had to wait him out."

"What happened to your face?" Roy asked, and pulled me away from Laurel. 

"Settle, guys, I'm not a doll. It's fine, really, I just scraped it against the stone walls."

Malcolm looked at it and nodded. "Alright, we have to be quick. Come on." 

We all lined up behind Malcolm. They shoved me in the middle of the group so I was covered on both sides. On Malcolm's signal we all sprinted down the hallway, sticking next to the walls. I made sure to keep my face farther way this time. He put his hand out and we all stopped. My heart started pounding again.  _This is it. This is where Oliver is._ He quickly peered around the wall and looked back at us. "No guards," He whispered. My heart soared.  _Oh my God._ _This was working._

We walked to the door and Malcolm looked at me. I nodded my head and he pushed the door open. The light was dim, not much brighter than it was in the hallway. I saw Oliver's silhouette against it and ran forward, stopping just a few feet away from him. "Oliver," I said, breathless. 

He turned around then, and my heart dropped. He looked cold. His eyes held no emotion as he just stared at me, unamused. "Oliver, It's me. It's Felicity." He furrowed his eyebrows and cocked his head slightly. He gaze wandered around my face and I saw a hint of panic as his eyes landed on my cheek.  _Yes,_ I thought, _h_ _e's there, he's still here._ He scanned over my body quickly and once he saw there was no more blood his face went stoic and unreachable again. I took a step forward and stretched my hand out, desperate to touch him. My hand trembled terribly, but I ignored it. For the first time I had hope and happiness filling my body. 

A slow clap from the corner of the room grabbed my attention and I jerked around. Roy readied his arrow as Laurel pulled out her sword. 

Ra's stepped from the shadows, a satisfied grin on his face. "Well done, Malcolm. I'm proud that you were actually able to pull this off." 

 _No,_ my mind screamed. We all looked at Malcolm who bowed slightly.

"Anything to pledge my loyalty to you, Ra's."

"You bastard!" John screamed and moved to pull his gun out. Malcolm whacked an elbow into his face, crumpling him to the floor before he could even reach it.  I spun, horrified to look at Oliver. His expression was the same. Gone. 

"Guards," Ra's called, and seven men came in, "take them to their new home. Malcolm, welcome back to the League." 

Two men grabbed my arms and started dragging me away. "No, no!" I screamed, trying to dig my heals into the ground to stop them, "Oliver, help us! Please!" 

He stared at me, his eyes dead and cold. Not moving. Standing like the statue as the guards dragged us all away. I looked into his eyes as the door to his room slammed shut. 

They could have been pitch black. 


	3. Choices, Choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm sorry if I'm annoying everyone by posting so frequently, I just had a lot of time to get things done today and I seized the opportunity. Plus I just didn't have the heart to make you guys wait. Anyway, I do kind of feel like this one is shorter,but it definitely had some stuff that happens in it. Hope you like it! (:

They took us to a cell. All it had were four stone walls and a stone floor. Ra's, Oliver and Malcolm followed them silently. We were thrown in on by one. I hit a wall and pain shot up my right arm. I cried out and John crawled over to me, keeping himself between me and them. I couldn't tare my eyes away from Oliver. Half of me was just happy that he was alive, and half of me was crushed that he wasn't My Oliver.

"You'll pay for this you scum!" Roy screamed, leaping up and lunging at Malcolm. A guard slapped him hard across the face and he crumpled.

Laurel sat quietly shaking her head, an ironic smile played on her face. "I should have seen this coming."

"Probably," Ra's interjected. "Do you really think that it's that easy to break into my home? I mean, really, you guys would have been dead the minute you landed. No, no, I wasn't going to let you take my Al Sah-him away from me that easily. Not that you could anymore. He's not your Oliver." The last line was directed at me, I could feel it, but I didn't dare look at him. I kept my gaze steady and on Oliver.

He entered the cell and walked straight towards me. I couldn't breathe. 

"If you hurt her, Oliver, I swear I will kill you," John growled, trying to get in between us more. 

Oliver plucked me up to a standing position and spun me around, snatching my tablet and letting me fall back to the ground. He walked back and stood by Ra's closing the door to our cell. 

"Very Good. Now, Malcolm and I have a lot of business to attend to. Al Sah-him, please use the sleeping gas, now. I don't feel like listening to them." Ra's commended. 

Oliver stepped forward and pulled a glass tube from his belt. He kept his eyes on me the entire time. He threw it down and it shattered on the ground in front of us. His eyes lingered on me a moment longer before he turned and walked away with Ra's and Malcolm. 

Green smoke circled its way through the air and towards us. I could feel it in my lungs. It felt as if I had managed to inhale pebbles. One by one the team started falling asleep. I tried to fight against it but found myself being pulled under. I looked over to John, who was fighting to keep his eyes open, and crawled over to him. He reached out for me and I leaned my head against his shoulder. _It's just like the plane,_ I tried to tell myself. Our breathing was slowing and I knew we wouldn't be awake for much longer. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. He leaned his head against mine and shook it, wrapping his arms around me and giving me a quick squeeze. It was the last thing I felt before everything went dark. 

* * *

I was the first one to wake. My head was foggy and throbbed. My face felt tight and hot and my right arm was sore. Memories of that happened came back to me in a rush and I jumped up.  I shook John to try to wake him, but he was out cold. I scanned the faces of the rest of my team members. They were all breathing, at least. I nearly screamed when I realized that Oliver was standing in front of the cell. He was on the other side of the bars, looking in. Close enough to touch. 

Slowly, I walked over to him. "Oliver, It's me, remember? It's Felicity." I made it to the bars and stared in his eyes. I saw no emotion, no hint of My Oliver. "Oliver, please, I know you're in there. I saw it when you saw my cheek. You were worried. I'm okay. I mean, not not okay, but I'm okay. I mean, what I'm trying to say is that physically I'm okay, but I'm not okay with you-- 3, 2, 1." I took a breath and placed my hands on the bars on either side of his face to keep from touching him. "Oliver, we need your help. I need you. Please, I need you. You said I'd always be your girl, remember?" 

His face softened. His eyes broke. I saw him then, really saw him. My breath hitched and tears spilled over my cheeks. He lifted a finger, slowly, and wiped it away gently. Then he placed it on my cheek and turned my head, taking a closer look at my cuts. 

"They're okay, Oliver. Just scrapes. You need to get us out, fast. Please, baby."

He traced his finger down my jawline and I stopped breathing.  _Maybe I should pinch myself to make sure I'm awake._ His eyes grew sad and I felt my heart sink a bit.

"You're not suppose to be here, Felicity." His voice was choked and strained, but it was his. 

I closed my eyes and leaned into his fingers, "I couldn't leave you here. Oliver, without you I can't be happy. I forgot how. I don't sleep, I don't eat. I don't even play with my babies anymore. I'm developing some kind of muscular condition, too, and soon I'm going to be completely useless. How can I live my life know you're here? Knowing that I should be trying to save you." 

Without warning he pulled away, standing three feet away from the cell. My cheek felt as cold as the stare he was giving me. But I quickly understood why he did. Footsteps quickly came down the hall. I took a step back and looked at my team. No one else was awake. Fear struck me.  _Of course the only one who doesn't stand a fighting chance is awake._

Malcolm and Ra's walked up to us. Malcolm avoided my eyes, but Ra's looked at me with a hint of a smile on his face. "Ah Sah-him, please escort Ms. Smoak to my chamber. I'd like a moment to discuss some things with her. Privately." My heart started racing as I looked between Oliver and Ra's. Oliver's expression was the same, but he hadn't made a move towards me. "Did you not hear me, Ah Sah-him?" Ra's asked, more forcefully. But still, Oliver didn't move. Ra's cleared his throat. "Fine. Malcolm, you take her. Al Sah-him, a moment alone." 

Malcolm opened the cage and grabbed my arm, his fingers digging into my skin. I didn't try to fight, I didn't see the point. There was no way I was out-muscling him. Not without help. 

Oliver and Ra's turned and walked down the hall. We followed but turned right when they turned left. Malcolm didn't say a word to me and I was too nervous to find my voice. A number of twists and turns later I was being shoved into a room. It looked much like what Oliver and I had spent the night in, but bigger and more grand. Ra's bedroom. My stomach knotted itself up.  _Oh God, what was he planning?_

"He'll be with you shortly," Malcolm said and headed to the door. 

"I could kill you with the knife in my back, Malcolm." It didn't really make sense, but it was all I could come up with at the time. 

He turned slightly, a smile across his lips, "I'd truly love to see you try, Felicity." He slammed the door as he walked out. 

I stood alone in a room that made me feel so small. I circled around looking at it. Wondering what was going to happen, praying that everyone else was okay. I didn't realize my entire body was shaking until Ra's opened that door. He and Oliver both walked through. I scanned over him quickly. He didn't seem hurt. No blood, no limp. I guess Demons only get verbal scoldings. Ra's walked over to me, while Oliver stayed by the doorway. He was mere inches away from me and dragged his eyes up and down my body. Fear spiked at the base of my skull. 

"You, Ms. Felicity, have been quite a little problem for me. You see, you're brilliant in your field." 

I swallowed hard, trying to be strong like Laurel would be, "Thank you." 

He gave me a crooked grin and reached behind my head, grabbing my ponytail. Slowly, he pulled my hair tie out and let my hair fall around my shoulders. I started shaking even harder. He traced his finger up my neck and my eyes glazed over. I looked at Oliver, who looked strained. I prayed that there was enough of him left in there to save me if something really bad was going to happen. 

"Well, you see, the problem is is that I couldn't find anyone to quite match your skills. There was one, once, but he's dead now. The Clockmaker, right? Unfortunate for me." He dropped his hand and stepped back slightly. Looking at Oliver to gage his reaction. "So I'm left with two choices. I can kill you, or recruit you. Now, I know that you'll never come to me willingly. And while I'm more than willing to do it, I find it to wasteful to just kill you now. So for my two choices, my dear, you will get three. One is that I kill you now. I don't think that's really our dream option though, right?" He asked, tipping his head and running a hand through my hair. "Two is that I let you go and live a long life, but your friends will be slaughtered." I gasped and covered my mouth with my hand. I couldn't even bear the thought of that. "And three, my dear Felicity, is that you stay here, with me and do my bidding. If you do, I swear to you that your friends will be left alone and unharmed. I'll let them return to their loved ones and it'll be like the whole thing never happened." 

I thought I was going to pass out. I looked ath the ground and focused on forcing the grey out of my vision. Ra's turned and walked towards the doors. "You have an hour to decide." 

Oliver looked at me and shook his head slightly. I didn't know what he was trying to tell me, but I didn't have a choice. I planted my feet on the ground and dug down deep for my voice. "I don't need an hour."

He turned. "Excellent, I hate waiting."

I took a steading breath and looked into his eyes. "Can I say goodbye to them, before you send them safely home?" 

He smiled broadly at me and outstretched his arms. "Saying goodbye to all of them will take too much time. You may pick one person and I'll have them escorted to your chambers when they awake. Who will it be?" 

I swallowed. "John Diggle." 

He nodded and turned around, "A wise choice." 

"Wait!" I said, more forcefully than I thought I could muster. "I have one condition." 

He turned to face me, a little less enthusiastic as he was before. "And what would that be?" 

"I want to be there when they get on the plane," I said, "I want to watch them leave the island safely."

He studied me for a moment. "Just how do I know that you won't try to go with them?" 

"You've studied me," I countered, "I'm sure you have. I'm the weakest of the group. I have no pain tolerance, athletic ability or fighting skills. If I somehow manage to go with them, then your entire league of assassins shouldn't be allowed to call themselves such."

He threw his head back and roared with laughter, which was not the response I was expecting for him. Oliver's face was grim. When he finally settled down and looked at me his smile was back. "I sure am going to enjoy having you around, Felicity. Sure, sure your demand can be met. You'll be escorted by my guards and prohibited to talk to any of them. Are we clear?" I simply nodded my head. "Al Sah-him, take her to her chambers. Your friend will be there to say goodbye to you as soon as he wakes up." 

Oliver nodded his head and moved towards me, taking my arm and following Ra's out of his room. Oliver turned turned down a few hallways quickly. I felt like I was floating. Between the dark lighting, how fast Oliver was going, and the leftover sleeping gad I had no idea which direction we were going. I just kept replaying the conversation in my head over and over again.  _I'm going to be stuck here. Forever._  

* * *

 

Oliver stopped and opened the door, looking around before snatching me inside. He pushed me in farther and bolted it shut, pressing his ear against it. I found myself shaking again. I wasn't sure what Oliver I had this time. Suddenly he pushed away from the door and in three long strides wrapped me in his arms. He pressed his face into my hair and said my name over and over again. I didn't move, didn't know what to do. I'd been through so many ups and downs today, I didn't think I could survive this being fake. When he felt my resistance he pulled back, looking into my eyes. 

"Is this real, Oliver?" I asked, my eyes filling up with tears, "Is it you?" 

He cupped my face in between his hands, "You're always going to be my girl, Felicity. No matter what happens. Now, tomorrow, in a million years. Never, not for a second, doubt that." 

"Oliver," I whispered, closing my eyes and leaning my head against his. "I missed you so much." 

He pulled me into another hug and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I took everything in, his scent, his feel, his warmth. I just couldn't believe that I had this back again. He turned his head and pressed his lips into my cheek before pulling back and capturing my mouth in a kiss. My knees buckled, and I dipped, not being able to support myself. He scooped me up effortlessly and walked over to the bed. He sat me down on it, never once breaking our kiss. When he pulled his lips back I moaned in protest. He chuckled to himself and turned my face to the side. "I wanted to see this in better lighting. It doesn't look too bad." 

I shook my head, feeling my hand start to shake. I tucked it under my leg. He reached for it, though, and held it gently in his hand. It was bruised from where I hit the wall earlier. He winced as he turned it over and saw that it was really purple on the underside. He felt it tremble in his fingers and looked into my eyes. "How bad does it hurt, Sweetheart?" 

My heart became whole again. "Barely at all. I didn't even remember it was there."

He sent me a doubtful look and inspected it again. "Can you move it?" 

I shook my head. "Not right now, but it's not because of the hit. I, uhh. Something weird is happening. I just have this little tremor thing in my hand. I don't know, it just starts shaking and I can't control it. Ironic, because if Ra's had held out for a few more weeks, I probably wouldn't have been able to type enough to be a threat to him."

That brought Oliver back to reality and he framed my face again. "I'm going to find a way to save you, Felicity. I'll get you home."

"No," I shook my head, placing my hands over his. "I'm not leaving without you. All or nothing. I'd face a million lifetimes on this island if it meant I got to spend just one with you." 

His eyes searched mine for an endless moment before his lips crashed down on mine. He laid me back on the bed and soon his weight was on top of me. My body screamed for his. But after a few more moments he pulled back, just staring down at me. "I love you, Felicity. Ever since I met you I have never loved anyone the way that I love you. And I know I never will again. But you have to listen to me. This island isn't for you. This life isn't for you. I couldn't live with myself knowing I did this to you. Please." 

I shook my head, "No. That's not going to work this time. You aren't doing this to me. I chose to come here. I chose to try and save you. Ra's gave me a choice and I made it. And I'll face it." 

He sank his head into my hair for a few minutes. I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the familiar feel of his body on mine. After a while he kissed my neck and sat up, pulling me with him. He left me on the bed and walked toward the door, quickly unbolting it. "Someone's coming. I have to go. No one can know that I'm myself, Felicity. If we have any shot of getting out of here no one can know. Until then, don't get yourself hurt. Promise me."

I nodded my head, tears caught in my throat. "I promise."

He nodded and stared at me for a few more moments. I was just impressed that I waited until he closed the door to fall back into the bed and cry.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! Ugh, I just love Oliver. Anyway, the next chapter should have a bit of excitement in it. So stay tuned!


	4. Living With Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thank you to those who have made it this far in the story! I really appreciate it, honestly. So for this chapter, I had a vision for how one of the scenes went in this chapter and it involved music. So I linked it in for you guys! Technology, yay! So, I hope you enjoy (:

I managed to collect myself, and stared down at my trembling hand.  _Did that really just happen?_  It had to have just happened. I couldn't have made that up. I touched my cheek and felt the warmth of where his hand was. No, I didn't make this up. It was real. I inspected my arm. It did hurt like hell, Oliver saw right through me on that one. But I had a feeling that I'd just have to get used to it in this new life.

I sat on my bed, thinking of everything I was going to miss. How did Oliver do this? I had flashes of all these memories of my life that I didn't know how I could live without. I took snapshots of each on and piled them into a mental box, closing the lid and throwing away the mental key. Maybe that could work. Maybe that'd keep them locked up and hidden so they wouldn't fade from me forever. 

There was a knock at the door. My hand started trembling as I climbed off the bed and stood as straight and strong as I could. "Yes?" 

The door burst open and they threw John to the floor in front of my feet. "You have ten minutes to say goodbye. Then we escort them to their plane." The guards slammed the door shut.

I fell to the ground and grabbed at John, turning him over. His eye was black and swollen shut and his lip was split open. "Oh my God, what happened?" 

He groaned at he sat up. "Are you okay? Did they hurt you?" 

"No, no, I'm fine, what happened to you?" I asked, helping support him. 

"I panicked when I woke up and didn't see you. Jesus, I didn't know what happened to you, Felicity. I struggled when they tried to bring me here. Said I wouldn't go without knowing where you were." 

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him close. "Oh, John, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for all of this, it's all my fault. I never should have agreed I should have just come on my own." 

He pulled back and grabbed my arms, "That's crazy talk, you know that, right? We all agreed to this. You didn't force us here. Besides, Ra's told us we're free to go. He said he struck a deal with a new member and he no longer needs us. We're going home, Felicity." 

Tears spilled down my cheeks once more. Frack, when was I going to stop with this blasted crying? "John, about that. I... I need you to promise me something." 

His face grew confused, but he nodded his head, "Anything, you know that." 

 "I need you to promise me that no matter what you will get Laurel, Roy and yourself home. And that you'll never come back here. I need that from you." 

A mixture of worry and confusion hovered over his features. "And what about you?" 

I looked down. "I need you to promise me." 

He swallowed hard. "I promise. But Felicity, what's going on?" 

I took a deep breath before I made eye contact with him again. "John. I'm the new member he struck a deal with." 

He just looked at me, unblinking. I could almost see the smoke coming out of his ears. "But that... doesn't make.. any sense." 

I laughed ironically. "I know, I know it doesn't. But he gave me choices and this was the one I wanted. I'm staying here, Digs. But I'll be alright, okay? And you guys will be home safe and that's what I need most."

"No, you can't do this. This isn't right. We came as a team, we either leave as a team, or we stay as a team," He protested, anger washing over his face, "and I'll tell the son of a bitch that, too. You're coming with us!" 

"No, I'm not!" I snapped at him, feeling instantly guilty for using my big voice. I stood and and turned away from him, trying to keep my emotions in check. "I chose this, John. Now, please. Remember your promise to me. And let me say goodbye to you. Tell everyone I love them. Make sure Thea and Roy are happy. Try to make Laurel reconnect with her father. And you're going to go home to Lyla and Sara. You're going to love them and cherish them every day for the rest of your life." I turned around to see an awe-struck Diggle. "Did I make myself clear?" 

He stood and opened his arms, I ran into them and wrapped mine around him tightly. "I'll never give up. I'll always try to save you." 

I shook my head. "No. You can't. But never forget me. Play with my babies for me. Call Barry and have him teach Laurel my programs. She's smart, she'll pick up on it well enough. I'm replaceable. And if you have a second daughter, I give you my full permission to name it after me."

He laughed weakly and shook his head. "Oh, Felicity. You are certainly not replaceable." 

I hugged him tighter. "I love you, John. Thank you for being there for me, always. You're... You're truly my best friend." 

He sighed. "I love you, too. Just like you're mine." 

The door to my room swung open and three guards appeared with Oliver behind them. A shiver ran up my spine and John gripped me tighter. "I'm so sorry, John, I'm so sorry. Please, please be happy. Please." Two guards grabbed him and dragged him away from me.

He struggled trying to get closer to me. "No! No, Felicity!" 

"Remember your promise!" I called, hoping my voice carried to him. My legs were shaking so badly I could barely stand. Oliver looked at me stone-faced and my heart trembled. Maybe I did make up earlier. Maybe I'm going crazy and I imagined the whole thing. The third guard stepped forward and grabbed my arm. Oliver fell in step behind us as he led me down the hall where Ra's was waiting for me.

"Are you ready, my dear?" He asked, smiling. He nodded at the guard who dropped my arm. Ra's hands took his place as he led me outside. I thought I was going to throw up. When we got outside the walls I looked up at the sky. It was beautiful here. A perfect setting contrasted against a terrible purpose. We walked through the woods to the set of the jet. My mouth went dry seeing that freedom was so close and knowing I'd never have it again. Then I saw them. They were all herded together like sheep, surrounded by guards. John had calmed down enough to not have to be held back. 

Roy saw me first. "Felicity!" He screamed, his voice raw. My heart shattered. "You can't do this, Felicity! You can't do this!" He pushed against the guards who shoved him back. 

Fear coursed through me. He was so close to home, I couldn't bear to see him hurt now. "Roy, don't struggle! Just go--" A guard slammed the hilt of his sword into my abdomen, knocking the air out of me. I collapsed to the ground, grinding my teeth against the pain. I could hear the shouts coming from my team. My friends.

"I set rules for you, Felicity," Ra's warned, "I suggest that you follow them." 

"Oliver do something!" I heard Laurel scream, her voice laced with anger. 

I looked up to see John's face contorted with fury. They were trying to push through the guards to get to me. I needed to remind him. They needed to go home. "You promised, John!" I screamed and he stopped instantly. He was breathing hard and his eyes looked glossy. The guard who struck me the first time slammed his boot into my face and I went down again. I stayed down this time, dizzy and weak. But I looked at John and pleaded through my eyes. 

He let out one more scream then grabbed Laurel and Roy, throwing them on the plane. He walked up the steps and looked back at me. "I'll never stop, Felicity," he said then disappeared behind the plane door. I looked down, not wanting to see their faces in the windows. The engine started and within moment the plane was off the ground. We all stayed there and watched it as it became a speck against the horizon. The guard dragged me up, and I did my best to stand. 

Ra's looked at me, his mouth in a tight straight line. "I did expect something like that from you. At least you have a small taste of what's it'll be like for you if you don't follow my rules. Now, let's go get you cleaned up. We're going to have a celebration to introduce out newest, most unique member." 

* * *

I was escorted back to the room, where a female guard was waiting for me with a basket. Ra's stepped forward, extending his arm. "This is a gift from me, to you. You will wear it tonight, for our celebration dinner. I hope the dress fits," he said, leaning in close, his breath hot against my ear, "it would be a shame if it didn't." A shiver ran down my spine as I stepped away from the guard taking the basket in my hands. I nodded my head towards Ra's saying nothing. He pushed open my door and held it open for me. "I'll fetch you in an hour. I trust that's enough time for you to prepare yourself." Again, just a nod. "Good." I walked through and he closed the door. I heard a  _click_ and knew it was locked. 

I didn't have the energy to even check, I just knew. I looked around the room. It was dark. Everything around this stupid place was dark. I walked over to a far door and pushed it open. Well, at least it had a bathtub. It was massive, I honestly thought I could swim in it. Apparently killing does pay. I ran the water, making it as hot as I could stand it. I peeled off the jumpsuit and dug through the basket for something to tie my hair up with. I sat in the tub and curled myself into a ball. 

I didn't cry. I'd be damned if I let any more tears fall. I shouldn't be sad right now. They were safe. I was here with Oliver. I mean, it wasn't ideal, but it was something. And I stuck to my plan. Come back with Oliver or don't come back at all. I shook my head and sunk down further into the bath, trying to clear my mind. After a while I got out and dried off. I emptied the basket onto the bed. the dress was the first thing I noticed. It was long and a deep red, like blood. I searched through some more and cringed when I found a pile of lace. I picked it up and moaned internally. It was a red lace thong. "Lovely," I said to myself, dropping it. I slipped it on and grabbed the dress, hoping now that it truly fit because there was no other underwear in that basket and I didn't want to expose any of myself. 

The dress was gorgeous, I had to admit. It was a halter top with fabric that fell like waterfalls over my breast, with a gold chain dangling in between them. It plunged down much lower than I'd ever warn before. If I moved too much the girls would surely pop out. It came in tight at my waist and then fell like smoke down to the floor. It was completely backless, swooping just above my backside. I slipped on the gold stilettos and hobbled to the mirror. There was some make-up in that basket and by the time I was finished you could barely see the bruising from the boot and the scrapes on my face. There was a hair clip in the basket. It was a wing, crusted with diamonds. I didn't know whether or not they were real, but I wouldn't doubt it. I pinned it in my hair to it swept to the side.

I just stared at myself in the mirror. I didn't recognize myself. This wasn't me. But I guess I couldn't exactly be me anymore here. Life was going to be different now. I just needed to learn to live with that. 

My door opened and Ra's walked through. He closed it behind him so we were alone. Just the two of us in a dimly lit dungeon. "You look majestic, my dear." 

My jaw twitched, but I bowed my head. Might as well make my life a little easier, right? "Thank you." 

He smiled and walked closer to me. He grabbed my hand and bowed down, kissing it softly. He kept it in his hand as he lowered it and pulled me closer. "Now, there's just one thing I want you to be aware of, Felicity. When we're in public together. You are mine." His voice turned dark and growly. I must have been shaking because he rubbed his thumb over my hand. "Relax, dear, I'm not interested in carnal matters. I just want to make sure that everyone knows who you really belong to when we're together." 

I nodded my head in understanding. By everyone did he mean Oliver? I wasn't sure. All I knew is that I didn't want to do anything to piss him off. 

"Good. Now that that business is over, let's go enjoy our party." He pulled me hand and we walked side by side out the door and through the hallway. A few guards flanked us as we walked. No sign of Oliver. We stopped at a pair of engraved doors. "Are you ready for this?" He asked, planting another kiss on my hand.

My soul said no, but I nodded my head yes. 

He winked and signaled to the guards. [They slowly pushed the doors open. ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnt2aHn0waA)

It was bright in here. That I wasn't expecting. There were tables lined up on either side of a massive room. It left the center of the room completely clear. All eyes turned to me, but I was only searching for one pair. And I found them. My icy blue home. His eyes showed little emotion, but it was enough for me. I could see the wonder in his eyes. I knew it was there. But then they dropped to my hand intertwined with Ra's and I saw only anger.

Ra's pulled my forward, showing me off to the room. We walked up the center of the room slowly, while the league banged their fists on the table in a slow drum beat. I felt my hand start shaking and I tried to hid it in the flames of the dress fabric. I didn't want to show any weakness. We finally reached stairs that led to a platform. He dropped my hand and motioned for me to go up first. I ascended them slowly, focusing on not falling up them in these heals. I reached it and he wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to the side of him. I looked out into the crowd and found Oliver once more, his face completely emotionless again. 

The crowd cheered as a goblet was brought to the stage. Ra's stepped forward, grasping it and lifting it in the air. "I want to introduce you all to the newest member of our family. The most unique one of us there is. The lovely Felicity Smoak." A roar of cheers erupted throughout the room. I simply stood there, not moving my focus from Oliver. Ra's took a healthy swig of it and passed it to me. I looked into it and hesitated, giving him a questionable look. "Don't worry," he soothed,"It's not poisoned. Well, not that much." 

I fought back the urge to roll my eyes and tipped the cup up to my lips. He pushed it back even farther, forcing all of the vile liquid down my throat. I chocked back a cough and he snatched the goblet out of my hands and raised it up once more before tossing it into the crowd. Then he took my hand again and spun me in a circle, letting them all ogle and whistle at me. I felt like a glorified sex symbol. After my twirl he wrapped his arms around my waist, snaking them down my back until there were much too low. He pulled me close, so my chest was pressing against him and pressed his lips against mine. 

Shock kept me still as I endured the torture of the public display. He cupped my backside and lifted me up off the stage before finally ending the kiss. When my feet were back on the found I opened my eyes to see him smirking into mine. 

He leaned in close and rubbed his lips against my ear. "Poor Oliver, huh?" He chucked to himself as he pulled back and placed another small peck on my lips. 

As I looked into his eyes again, I was sure of one thing. 

I would find a way to kill Ra's al Ghul. 

 


	5. Dancing With The Demon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hope you like it. I've been getting busy so it's been harder to write. There's another song in this one, too, so heads up (: 
> 
> *Warning* there is sexual content in this. All consensual, I promise.

Ra's finally escorted me to a thrown and had me sit there. The rest of the members took their seats, including Oliver. They began eating. It was silent except for the clanging of silverware.  _Yeah, some party._ Food was brought to Ra's who was perched on the thrown next to me. After a few more minutes it was clear that I wasn't getting any. I looked at what Ra's was eating and decided that maybe it was a blessing. Maybe I would starve before this place crushed my soul. 

A soldier stood and everyone put their forks and knives down. He slowly walked up to the stairs and bowed. Ra's nodded his head and he walked up them, stopping in front of me and extended his hand out. I looked over to Ra's, utterly confused. 

"It is customary that my new interest dances with each of my soldiers to get full approval," He said, matter-of-factly. 

My jaw dropped, "You put me in stiletto heals." 

His laughed rumbled from his chest and he shook his head, "Oh, I do enjoy your humor, Felicity. Now, go. You may eat after you've danced to my content. If you're well behaved I won't make you dance with them all." 

I stared at the offered hand in front of me. I had no choice. I'm his ' _interest'_ now.  _No carnal matters, huh, pal?_ I stood and took the hand, trying not to gag at how slimy it was. I let him lead me to the dance floor where he wrapped his arm around my waist and held my other arm out we if we were about to tango. The room filled with bangs and cheers and hollers. 

We started dancing and I stared at the air right next to his head. I didn't make eye contact or look at his face. I just stared over his shoulder and fought my way though it. It didn't last long. Before I knew it he was bowing and stepped away. But another took his place. And another and another. I lost count of how many I danced with. All I knew was that they were not gentle on my throbbing wrist and I was sure that my feet were bleeding, but I didn't dare check. I looked to Ra's who smiled and nodded. He mouthed,  _only a few more_. I nodded my head and waited for my next partner. Oliver stepped up, wrapping his arm securely around my waist and barely squeezing my right hand. 

My heart lifted.  _He was there._ As we started dancing he tightened his arm around my waist so my aching feet had barely any pressure at all on them. I looked into his eyes, trying to silently convey my thanks. His were blank, just as they had been all night. But I understood. We spun around a few times. When his back was to Ra's he whispered, "Are you okay?" under his breath. It was so quite that I wasn't sure I had actually heard it. 

I waited until my back was to Ra's to reply. "Yes," I whispered, and prayed it was quite enough. Without acknowledging my answer he released my waist, and I nearly moaned as all my weight was back on my feet. He stepped back from me and bowed. I didn't respond, just like I hadn't responded to any of the other soldiers.

That must have pleased Ra's because he stood from his thrown and smiled. "That concludes the dancing for the evening. Thank you, all." 

I went to go walk back to my seat when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I spun around, uncertain of who it was. But when I spun I saw a familiar face. "Nyssa!" I exclaimed. 

"Oh, Felicity!" She said, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing tightly. I hugged her back, truly happy to see her. "What are you doing here? What's going on?" 

"It's a long story," I said, pulling back and looking over her. She looked good. She looked healthy. _Laurel would be so happy_. That sent a pang of pain through my heart, and I tried my best to push it down. "But all that matter is that I'm here for good. And that Diggle, Roy, and Laurel are safe.

Relief crashed over her eyes when she heard Laurel's name. That made me happy. But sadness slowly creeped back into them. "You're here for good?" 

I nodded my head, "It looks that way." 

She shook her head slightly, "You don't belong here, Felicity." 

I sighed, "Yeah, I've been hearing that a lot lately." Ra's cleared his throat and I stepped back from her. She nodded as she understood and without another word I joined him back at his side. He motioned for me to sit and I did. A plate of food was brought to me and I forced myself to eat it. I stared out into the crowd and saw an array of weapons. I wondered which one would best suit me. The first one that came to mind was an arrow. Just like Oliver. But I decided against that. I didn't think I'd have enough hand-eye coordination, especially with whatever was happening with my hand. 

 _My hand._ I hadn't thought about that. I needed that to be healed if I was going to fight. Or at least I needed to get it under control. But my stomach twisted in knots. Could I even fight? Could I kill someone? I looked at the man sitting next to me. He was silently studying the crowd as well. When he was quiet you almost couldn't tell that he was a murderer. That he was capable of such horrid things. But I knew better. I knew he was. He tortured Oliver. He tried to kill Thea. He's done things that others couldn't think of. But when I thought about it in reality my heart wavered. I wasn't sure.

I put the plate down, most of the food still on it. I couldn't stand eating anymore. I looked out and saw Oliver watching me. He looked at the plate and back at me, almost as if he was urging me to eat. Even if he was I simply couldn't. I couldn't stomach it, not right now. 

Ra's stood suddenly, turning to me and offering me his hand. I wasn't sure what he was up to, but I took it without protesting and rose to my feet. He pulled me to his side and faced the crowd. "As the night draws to a close, I will have the last dance. After that, you all may be dismissed or you may stay if you'd like. Just remember we have a strategies meeting tomorrow morning. I hope you enjoyed your fun, because we have much to discuss." He led me down the stairs and out to the dance floor. We began the dance as all the others had, though he held me slightly closer and slightly tighter. He stared down into my eyes for a second and then looked to the side. I followed his gaze and landed on Oliver. He looked back at me and leaned in closer. "You may have your nights, but that is it. That's all that is yours." I looked back at him and my eyebrows knitted together in confusion.  _Was that like, permission for a booty call?_ He pulled back and twirled me once more. "Enjoy them while you can." 

He ended the dance and looked toward Oliver, motioning for him to come forward. my head felt crazy foggy all of the sudden. As if I had a mist over my brain. _Did that just happen?_  Oliver walked over to us and bowed. Ra's cupped my cheek in his hand and pulled my face to his. "Sleep well, my dear," he whispered, before giving me a slow, drawn out kiss. "Ah Sah-him. Please, take two of my guards and escort Felicity to her room. She must be tired." Oliver nodded his head and took my arm, two guards flanked us and we began walking to the door. "Oh, and, Al Sah-him?" Ra's said, and Oliver turned to face him. "Make sure she's safely tucked in bed for me." Oliver nodded again and pulled my arm harder, leaving the room. 

I tried to keep up with his pace, but I could feel the blood on my feet making the shoes slip and slide around. The smoke in my mind hadn't cleared and I was just trying to focus on not falling. After what seemed like forever we made it to my room. He stopped at my door and bowed to the guards, who did the same before turning around and heading back down the hall we came from. He opened the door and I stepped inside. As soon as the door was shut he scooped me up, off my feet and into his arms. My head was still swimming so I was unsure of what was happening, but I was too tired to fight it. 

He walked over to my bed and placed me on it, my bloody feet still hanging off of it. I sat up and he disappeared into the bathroom for a few moments. He came back with two damp cloths an a glass of water. He handed me the water and a cloth. I took the cup and drank most of the water, saving some for me to try and gurgle the taste of Ra's out of my mouth. I spit it out and placed it on the table next to my bed. Oliver wordlessly walked to my feet and slowly removed my shoes. I winced as the air hit my fresh blisters. He looked up at me, compassion in his eyes. I swear I could have danced for hours more, I was so happy to see emotions from him again. 

He gently washed my feet with the cloth and I tried my best not to wince at the pain. I used the cloth he gave me to wash my face of the makeup. Once it was done I placed it by the cup and waited for Oliver to finish. He handled me with such tenderness and care that I could have cried, if I hadn't sworn off of tears. When he was done he looked up at me. "Can you walk?" 

I nodded my head, "I think so." I gently put my feet on the ground and stood. He stood up as well, ready to brace me if I needed it. It hurt, but I could do it. I grabbed my cloth and cup and reached a hand out for the bloody cloth he held in his hand. I brought them to the bathroom and left them there. I'd deal with that in the morning. I turned around and took in the sight of him. I didn't think I'd ever see this again. A healthy Oliver, standing next to my bed. Gently, I walked over to him, standing just mere inches from him, and looked up into his eyes. "Thank you." 

He lifted his hand and laid it on my cheek. I pressed my face into it. Ignoring the pain from the bruises and scratches. My breath hitched and I closed my eyes, willing the tears back. He wrapped his arm around my waist and rested his forehead against mine. I opened my eyes and looked into his. 

He slowly lowered his head and pressed [his lips against mine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHzGxd1Vw0U). The smoke cleared from my head and I was alive again. My heart hammered against my chest as his lips dominated mine. I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip and I parted my mouth for him. My hands tore at his clothes, I wanted them off, I wanted to feel his skin, his scars, the beat of his heart. I wanted that night where we were together and he was my Oliver. 

He let out a moan and pulled off his many top layers. Finally my hands could roam over the familiar body I'd come to love. My hands reached for his waist and he caught them, lifting up my right wrist and placing small, whisper kisses on the inside of my wrist. He slowly glided his hand up my arm into my hair, giving it a slight tug, making me moan. He released my hair and grabbed my glasses, looking into my eyes for my nod of approval, which I gave him. He stopped, though, and a small smile slid across his face.  "You're so beautiful, Felicity." I didn't have the words to respond. He slid my glasses off and put them down on the table. His lips found mine again and he reached down and dragged his hand up my leg, bunching up the dress with it. 

Slowly, he slid his arms up my body, and to the back of my neck, where he unclipped the halter of my dress. His eyes never left mine as the dress slowly slid down my body. His hands followed it and my skin hummed. He wrapped me up in his arms and picked me up, walking me to the bed before laying me down on it. 

My aches and pains melted away as his lips roamed my body. His lips were everywhere. He was everywhere. He tasted and teased me until I was sure I had died and gone to heaven. I never thought I would feel this again.

Then he slipped off the bed and the cold crept back. It didn’t last long before he was crawling back to me on the bed. My heart could have stopped as I was watching him crawl on the bed without any clothes on. His lips came back to mine briefly before he skimmed back down to my neck, finding that spot that drove me crazy. Feeling him between my legs was too much for me to handle. I rose my hips up, pulling a moan from him.

He slid his hand down my body, pausing to tease my breast, then trailing his fingers down lightly until he found the red lace. He sat up and slowly dragged the lace off my hips, then positioned himself in between my legs. We both gasped as he slipped into me.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, clutching to him as his slow rocking motion drove me crazy. He thrust into me rhythmically, with slow, gently motions. I found myself climbing, longing for release. And when he looked into my eyes, I found it, letting out a cry as I did.

He joined me right after, my name tearing from his throat as he did.

He rolled to the side of me, pulling me with him so I was sprawled out across his chest. I laid my head on his heart and closed my eyes. He had his arms wrapped around me, dragging his fingers up and down my spine.

“I love you, Oliver,” I murmured, kissing where his heart beat in a strong, steady, rhythm.

“I’ll always love you, Felicity,” he cooed. resting his chin on the top of my head.

I closed my eyes and let the drum of his heart pull me into sleep.

* * *

 

I woke up suddenly, and my heart was racing. I was in the exactly position I woke up in, a blanket draped over me. I opened my eyes slowly and saw that Oliver was still sleeping. My heart was racing out of control and I was practically gasping for air. As gently as I could, I slipped off of him without waking him.

 I thought I was going to be sick. What was happening? I got off the bed and my legs shook so badly I fell to my knees. I tried to push myself up, but the world was spinning out of control. I half crawled, half dragged myself to the bathroom. I managed to make it in time and wretched in the toilet.

“Felicity?” I heard Oliver nervously call out. He leapt out of bed and came to my side, rubbing my back and holding my hair. When he finished I reached for the clean cloth on the counter and cleaned myself up. He left for a second and when he came back wrapped a blanket over my shoulders.

As soon as he did, I found myself reaching for the toilet again. _What was going on?_ I got sick three more times before I finally thought I was done. The shaking grew worse and I was covered in sweat.

“Felicity, look at me, okay?” He turned my face to look at him, but I couldn’t focus. My hearing came in and out. Everything was spinning too much. He lifted me up and carried me over to the bed, holding me as I shook in his arms. As soon as he sat down I tore out of his arms and back for the bathroom.

A memory flashed across my mind. _“It’s not poisoned. Well, not that much.”_ Oh my god. Yes, yes it was.

“Poison,” I whispered, as Oliver walked over and sat with me.

“What?” He asked, clearly confused. I crawled into his arms and he took me back to the bed, laying me down and sitting next to me.

“The cup. Whatever was in it. He poisoned it.” I sat up, and Oliver tried to push me back down. My mind was racing trying to think it through. “I mean clearly, it wasn’t that much. And if we was trying to kill me I’d be dead right now. I don’t.. I don’t know..” I tried to steady my breathing as my head began to spin again. Oliver shifted to the bed and and wrapped his arms around me tightly. “I’m going to die here, Oliver.”

“Shhh,” he murmured. But I felt a tremor run through his body. A part of him was scared of that, too. He laid down and pulled me with him, so I was laying on top of him again. “You _will not._ Die here. I promise you. I will get you home. He won’t hurt you again, Felicity. I’ll kill him if he does.” He voice was drenched in malice.

I wanted to believe him. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, I just that Ra's had his own plan. What would happen to me would happen whether or not Oliver tried to intervene. He couldn't take on this whole army by himself. 

I just tried not to think about it and closed my eyes, hoping that the poison would work its way out of my body soon enough. Until then, it was going to be a long night. 

 


	6. Mission (For Real) Impossible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Sorry it took me longer than usual to update. Life got kind of crazy! Anyway, some of you might be mad at me for this next chapter.. I'm sorry in advance. But if you stick with me, I promise, I have a plan for everything. (:

I barely got any sleep, but Oliver held me the entire night. I got sick a few more times and my body ached. But the shaking stopped and I wasn't dizzy. Oliver was breathing softly. I looked up at him and couldn't help but smile. He looked so young, so carefree. I mean, most everyone does while they're sleeping, but it was just such a strange look for him. I wished desperately I had my phone or some way to take a picture. I placed a soft kiss over his heart and he stirred. 

His eyes opened and he immediately looked alert and ready. Guilt rushed through me, I hadn't meant to wake him. "Are you okay, Felicity?" 

I nodded my head, reassuring him, "Much better. I'm sorry for all the trouble." 

He wrapped his arms around me tightly, "You're never trouble." 

I laughed. "Oh please, like you can really say that?" I asked. 

He thought for a minute and then laughed, too. "Okay, yeah, I guess a lot of the time you are a lot of trouble." I swatted him with my hand and he laughed harder. "What? I was just agreeing with you!" 

"You're not suppose to go  _that_ far," I said, rolling my eyes at him. He laughed and ran a hand through my hair. I laid back down on his chest and listened to his heart beat for a little longer. It was so relaxing just having him here. So amazing. 

"Felicity?" He asked, and I  _hmmm'd_ in reply. "How is everyone doing at home." 

I sighed and sat up, bringing the blanked with me. I scooted so I was sitting up closer to his head. "They're coping. They all miss you. As you could tell by our failed plan to rescue you. Do you want the truth?" I asked, and he nodded his head. "Roy hasn't accepted it yet, I don't think. He was the one that really rallied us in the first place. Laurel's coping. She misses you and Nyssa, so it's been hard on her. But she's doing better than I thought. Thea blamed herself at first, but I think she's slowly realizing there was nothing she could have done. John is... well...John's angry. He's just this mass of anger. It was a little better when I was with him because we kind of balanced each other out. I'm worried about him with me gone, too. But he has Lyla and Sara to help him, so I'm sure he'll be okay." He nodded his head, looking off into the distance for a while. When the silence continued I spoke up again. "I don't think you realize, Oliver, how important you are to us. Not as the Arrow, or anything like that. But as Oliver." I pressed my hand to his cheek. "You are the most important to us when you're you." 

He looked into my eyes and shook his head. "How is it you know exactly what to say?"

I smiled, "I babble so much that sometimes good sentences come out." 

He laughed again and smiled. "I miss your babbling. Every night here I'd lay in bed and just think about all you'd have to say. My mind couldn't babble as fast as you can, though." 

I winked at him, 'No mind can." 

He laughed and kissed my nose. Without warning, his face got distracted, and he slipped off the bed. He grabbed his clothes and started getting dressed. "Sweetie, get your clothes on, someone's coming."

I practically leapt from the bed and ran to the bathroom, finding old clothes and slipping them on. I was almost thankful for the skin-tight jumpsuit just because it covered more skin than the dress had. Instead of trying to tame my hair, I just pulled it back into a ponytail. 

Oliver was right. There was a knock at the door. My hand started shaking and I grabbed it with my left hand to try to settle it. Not before Oliver noticed, though. I pressed my lips to his one last time, taking in the slight smile of his face and went to open the door.

A single guard was standing at the door. I opened it just enough to see me, not Oliver in the background. 

"Ra's Al Ghul request's your presence in a half hour. He would like you to meet him in the dining hall. He also needs Al Sah-him in the strategies meeting, as well." He instructed, before turning around and walking away. 

I turned and faced Oliver to see his face grim again. "Did he say what he wants you here for, Felicity?" He asked. 

I shrugged my shoulders. "I mean, all he really said was that he couldn't find someone to match my expertise. Which as flattering as it is to have the head of the _League of Assassins_ say that to you, I really can' t see it being true, I mean, I wasn't even at the top of my class at MIT and for all I know there are people who have been doing this a lot longer than I have. Maybe they're just so good that Ra's can't find them, and since he found me it really just means that I'm mediocre, but he doesn't know that because--" 

"Felicity, as amazing as it is that I'm here with you to hear your babble, I need to go before Ra's gets angry," He interjected. 

I nodded my head, glad that he actually shut me up. "Yes, yes of course." My hand was still shaking, but now it was in fear of meeting Ra's in a half hour. I didn't know what he really wanted from me. 

Oliver walked over to me and rubbed my arms. "You'll be fine, Felicity. Just don't do anything that will get yourself hurt. And listen to me better than you did when we were seeing off everyone, please. You don't know how much it kills me to see you hurt, you really don't." He bent his head and placed the lightest kiss on my lips. "I love you." 

He walked to the door, pausing and smiling at me quickly before ducking through it. "I love you, too" I whispered, after the door had already closed.

* * *

 A half hour flew by and I was twisting and turning my way through the hallways, hoping that I was going the right direction. I came to the doors that Ra's and I had passed through just last night.  _Wow, did that really happen less than twenty-four hours ago?_ Time seemed to move so quickly here. I pushed open the doors. Only Ra's and Oliver were still in the room. I looked him over quickly to make sure he was okay. I thought he was, though I certainly was no expert. He seemed fine, thought. 

"Ahh, my dear Felicity," Ra's cooed and came forward, taking my hands in his. He pressed his lips to my temple and I repressed the urge to gag. "Welcome. We have much to do today. So try to keep up." He pulled me with him as we exited the dining hall, and Oliver fell in step behind us. I swear every time someone escorted me somewhere here the place grew. I had no idea where we were. I didn't recognize any of it from the blueprint that Malcolm had given me. But I guess I know now that most of it was probably forged. We came to a huge steel door and Ra's stopped in front of it. It struck me as odd. It didn't match the dungeon-like interior at all. "Now," Ra's started, "Last night was your first test. And you passed. Since you are not going to be a regular assassin this process is much simpler. You will be tested in your skills. Fail, and your destiny will not be pleasant." 

My hand started shaking and I did my best to get it to stop. I thought of the mental box where I locked up my memories. I opened it and tried to shove all feelings of fear in there, hoping to settle myself down. He opened the door and I gasped. Malcolm Merlyn was standing in the middle of a complete replica of the foundry. I tried to even my breathing. I looked at Oliver, who looked like he was in shock. 

"Malcolm had given me some sketches of your little lab. We've been working tirelessly to recreate it." Ra's explained, studying me. 

I walked over to the computers and brushed my fingers over the keys. My eyes filled with tears as I thought of the countless hours I spent in the foundry with everyone. With my family. I looked over to Malcolm, with hatred glistening in my eyes. "You knew. You knew all along that this was his plan. You got everyone involved to use them as leverage against me." Malcolm said nothing but a smirk crossed over his face. 

"My dear, that's the past now. No use in getting mad. Now, get yourself reacquainted with your technology. Your tests will start shortly." He nodded his head to Malcolm and Oliver who bowed and walked into a separate door, where he then followed. I didn't know where they went, but I took his advice to get reacquainted. 

I sat and ran my fingers over the keys over and over again. I booted up all my computers and usual programs. I felt almost whole again. This was the most like myself I felt like since I got here. I smiled as everything was running quickly and smoothly.  _How did they manage to get wifi out here?_

"Are you ready?" Ra's voice echoed through the room. I nodded my head, turning my full attention to the screen in front of my eyes. "Wonderful. Let's begin." 

The test began as trivial stuff. Locate this, find information on this,a blueprint of this, what does this mean, what does that mean. Slowly it got a little more challenging, but not much. I was starting to get hopeful. If this was all he was going to have me do, it wasn't going to be too bad. It'd been a few hours, though, and I was growing tired. My hand began to shake slightly and I hoped that he would wrap it up. 

There was silence for what seemed like forever and I started getting nervous. What did he have in store now? 

"Alright Felicity, I have one last test for you." I nodded my head and readied myself to take instructions. "There is an assassin heading towards one of my men," He rattled off coordinates and I locked them into my computer. "Stop him before he kills my man."

 _Okay,_ I thought,  _that didn't seem too hard._ "What's the assassin's location? What is his description?" I asked. 

"That's your job to find out."

 _Oh frack._ Well that just got a lot harder. How the hell was I suppose to find a random assassin? I didn't even know what I was looking for. I tried not to go into panic mode and took control of the security cameras nearby Ra's man. I scanned the screens closely, looking for anything out of the ordinary. When I couldn't find anything, I broadened my perimeter. My hand started shacking, but I fought through it. "How am I even suppose to take him out once I find him?" 

"Again, that's not my problem to figure out." 

I spun around, angrily facing the door that he left through, "I don't _kill_ people, Ra's. If that's what this is about I'll tell you right now, I  _don't_." 

"Then you'll die." He simply answered. 

My blood ran cold. I stared at the door for a few more moments just taking it in. Then I turned around and looked back at my screens.  _One step at a time._ I scanned over the screens again, glancing back to the man every once and a while to make sure he was okay. Just as I was about to expand the search, I noticed something odd. It was a fit man in all black, placing his hand to his ear. He looked like he was listening intently before nodding his head, picking up a brief case and walking away.  _Bingo._ _Now what?_

I started to panic. I located the building he was in and pulled up blueprints. It was three blocks down from the building Ra's guy was in. There wasn't any security-based lock downs programmed into the building he was in, so I couldn't lock down the building. I could set off the alarms, but that would probably cause more panic than I could keep track of him in. It didn't look like it mattered anyway, he was exiting the building. I got a picture of his face and ran in through facial-recognition technology. "Come one, come on, come on," I whispered. There was no way that was going to be quick enough. That could take days, hell weeks. 

I followed him on street cameras as he walked down the city streets.  _Shit, shit, shit._ I focused my attention back to the man and checked the security programs in his building. The best I could do was lock him in the room. I did that and focused my attention back to the assassin, trying to figure out where he was going to go. I heard the  _ding_ of the facial recognition and almost didn't look. _It was done already? How the frack did that happen?_ _  
_

I decided not to question my luck and just took advantage of it, using the name I got to locate the cell phone that was in his pocket so I could track him even if I lost visual on him. I looked at the shortest route to the man and tried to find any way of blocking his path. The best I could do was tamper with the traffic lights, but that would just delay him at best. 

My hand was shaking so badly that I could hardly type, but I did my best to ignore it and move on. He entered the building and I was almost completely in full panic mode. I doubled checked the entire building, but couldn't find something that I could hack into to set off. Again I thought about setting off the alarms, but I was afraid the panic and confusion would just set up a better cover for him to get away with it. 

My heart dropped.  _This was it. I was dead_. My eyes glossed over as I continued to look at the blueprints, hoping that there was something I could do to stop him. And just like that my luck turned around. Instead of going to the stairs like I thought he would, he turned to the elevator.  _Yes!_ I thought. As soon as he stepped in I was working on it. I cracked through three walls in under a minute. My heart was pounding. He still had seven flights to make it up and I just had to freeze it. My fingers flew over the keys and I barely thought about what I was typing. With a lurch, the elevator stopped, and the assassin was trapped inside. He angrily pressed the buttons and kicked the door before pressing his hand to his ear. 

I pumped my fist in the air and turned around. I couldn't believe I pulled that off. "Done." There was silence from Ra's, but I didn't really care. Maybe he was impressed, too. 

"Ms. Smoak," he said, his voice laced with disappointment,"please take a look at your security screen." 

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and turned back to the screen. Ra's man was laying facedown in a puddle of his own blood. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands.  _No. How could I have had the wrong guy?_ It didn't make any sense. 

The door opened and Ra's, Malcolm, and Oliver walked out. Ra's was shaking his head and Oliver had a look of pure terror on his face.  I stood and faced them, my body trembling. My mind was racing and I was just trying to breathe. I looked into Oliver's eyes and couldn't seem to tear my gaze away from them. I felt like I was floating. 

Ra's looked at the door and about ten guards ran in. I thought I was going to be sick. Two walked over to me and grabbed my arms. Tears pooled in my eyes. 

"Oh, my dear Felicity," Ra's said, standing in front of me, "I'm going to miss your humor and whit. I'm so sorry that it has to come to this." The guards shoved me to my knees. Ra's reached out his hand was handed a sword. He circled around me and I could feel the blade press in between my shoulder blades. I looked at Oliver again and the tears spilled over my eyes. I saw him break. 

"No!" Oliver bellowed, lunging towards us. Four guards quickly restrained him and when he struggled two more joined. "You can't do this! You can't! Let her live, please, kill me instead!" He pleaded. 

My heart almost stopped. I shook my head, not wanting Oliver to speak anymore. I didn't want him to take my place. I wanted him to live. 

"Ra's don't do this!" Oliver growled, fighting. Sweat was beading on his forehead an d he was panting. A guard struck him and he fell to the ground, the six of them still having to restrain him. "Don't do this!" 

"Al Sah-him, you must understand," Ra's said, grabbing my hair and pulling my face back so I could look at him, "if I make an exception for her, then people will think I've grown soft. And I certainly haven't. Besides, _Oliver,_ she's the one thing you can't get over. You must be Al Sah-him. And with her alive you cannot fully be that for me." 

I shook my head slightly.  _I should have seen this. I should have put this together._

"Please, I've done what you asked, I'm completely loyal to you, please."

"I'm sorry, Al Sah-him. But no." 

"Oliver," I said, trying to keep my voice strong, "I love you. I love you so much. Please. Survive." 

"Felicity!" He screamed, his voice ragged and torn, "Don't do this. Don't." 

"I love you," I said again, locking my eyes on his. I wanted them to be the last thing I saw, even if the broken emotions were killing me.

He didn't answer me, but his eyes never left mine either. He struggled against the guards holding him back and managed to make it back onto his feet. 

"Goodbye, Felicity." Ra's said. And slammed the sword through me. 

I heard Oliver scream, "No!' 

I didn't recognize that I was screaming at first. Oliver was screaming, too, my name over and over again. A memory of our night together flashed before my eyes. _At least it wasn't him._ I felt the blood trickle down my chin and everything started going black. I was gasping for air, trying to focus on the ice blue of Oliver's eyes to fade away to. 

"I love you, Felicity," Oliver sobbed, "I'll alway love you."

"Oliver," I choked out. 

Before everything went black. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how mad are you...? I promise, I'm going somewhere with this. You guys will find out soon enough! (:


	7. Not Where, But Who

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm sorry that it's been taking me a while to update. Life has gotten pretty crazy for me. But I promise that I'll finish the story and hopefully get those updates out there quicker. Thank you so, so much for reading my story. I hope you like it!

I felt cold. Cold and maybe... damp? I was confused. I felt fuzzy. Pain radiated from... somewhere. What happened? I struggled to open my eyes, but I couldn't. Images slowly rose in my mind. The foundry. Computers. Ra's and Malcolm. Oliver.  _Oliver._ I remembered him distraught. Struggling. Restrained. " _I love you, Felicity,"_ I remembered him sobbing. And then it hit me. 

I died. 

My eyes shot open and I tried to sit up. I cried out from the pain in my chest. I looked around. I was in a dark cell. The floor was made of uneven, wet stone. I tried to get up, but slipped and fell back down.  _How was this possible?_

Slowly I managed to raise to my feet. There was a cot in the corner, and I stumbled to it, collapsing onto it. I tried to remember everything that happened. I looked down at my chest and saw that I was still in the jumpsuit I was wearing before. There was a hole torn in it, and blood was dried all down it.  _My blood._ I ran in finger over the exposed skin in the hole. There was a bumpy ridge there. A scar. Where Ra's sword pierced through. I quickly touched my cheek and found it was smooth. The scrapes were gone. 

I heard a bang and jumped, trying to see where it came from. I faintly saw the outline of a door. It opened and the light burned my eyes. I closed them and raised my hand up to block it. 

"Ah, Felicity. You've woken." Ra's said. I couldn't help but cower. I pressed myself into the wall as best as I could, trying to make myself as small as possible. I let out a whimper as he got closer to me. I heard him chuckle. "How are you feeling?" 

I took a few deep breaths.  _Try to be strong, damnit._ "Much better than when you poisoned me," I bit out, but my voice was still hoarse and weak. 

"Ahh, yes. I suppose we never got to speak of that. You see, I was just trying to help you. You're going to become very important to me, and most likely will be poisoned by my enemies. I'm just trying to make you immune so you live. But that's hardly our main focus right now, is it?" 

My whole body trembled. The agonizing memory of Oliver in my last few moments plagued my mind. "Why am I still alive?" I whispered. 

"The Lazarus pit, my dear." 

That made sense. That explained it. I did die. But he brought me back. "Why?" 

"Because you're still of use to me. More so, now that Oliver thinks you're dead. You see," He walked over and crouched in front of me, "I knew that he was still hanging on. I could see it. His eyes would drift off and I just knew he was thinking about you. So I had no choice. You needed to die. I gave you two one last night together. I thought that was kind of me. But I still have use for you, my dear." 

"You set me up!" I exclaimed, "That test, it was rigged. That's why the facial recognition software worked so quickly. Because you set it up to be that way." 

"Yes. It was all planned out from the beginning. Although, I'll admit, you found the assassin in much less time than I had anticipated. Well done." 

I struggled to breathe, but the faster I did the more my chest ached. "I'm not going to be your virtual assassin. I'm not doing anything for you. You may as well have let me die, because I'm done." 

His face grew impatient and he reached behind him and pulled out my tablet. He pressed a few buttons and then turned it to me. I gasped. It was the foundry. The actual foundry. And everyone was there. "See, you will. Because our deal still stands. If you don't obey, then your friends will no longer be safe from me." 

I was silent. I had no choice. I reached out and touched the screen, zooming in on John's face.  _He looks so tired,_ I thought. Ra's handed me the tablet and I watched them all. John kept rubbing his bloodshot eyes. Roy looked so sad and Laurel just looked mad at the world. I guess it had only be a few days. _Right_? "How long was I asleep for?" I asked. 

"A week," he replied.

I was shocked. I didn't feel like I'd slept for a week. In fact, I felt like I could use another week's sleep. I looked down at the screen again. John was sitting at my computer staring at the blank screen. He reached out and grabbed something. I squinted a looked closer. _Oh my, God._ It was a framed picture of me. He ran his thumb over it before putting it down and rubbing his face with his hands. My heart completely shattered. I wanted to call out to him. To tell him I was okay. But that was probably a lie right now anyway. 

The door opened again and Nyssa walked in, squinting into the darkness. Her mouth dropped open when her eyes landed on me. "Felicity? But how?' She asked, running over to me and kneeling down. She pulled me into a hug and I groaned in pain. She let go of me immediately and scanned over me before turning to face her father. "You told us she was killed. What is the meaning of this?" 

"She was," Ra's replied, taking the tablet from my hands. I gave a little whimper as my heart constricted. "Now she isn't." 

"So what am I doing here?" She asked, standing up. Her voice was clear and strong, matching her stance. I felt a pang of envy. I wished I were that strong. 

"Well, that's the next part of my plan. Nyssa, you are going to train Felicity to fight."

My jaw went slack and I eyes were huge. "You can't be serious" I said, almost laughing.

"I'm dead serious, my dear." He said, pacing back and forth. "I have big plans for you, my dear. But in order for these plans to become a reality I need you to be able to fight."

Nyssa shook her head, "No. I refuse. Felicity isn't a killer, Father. I'm not going to turn her into one."

He made a small _tisk, tisk_ noise and shook his head. "Well, you see, my daughter, if you don't train her, I will. So it's your choice." Nyssa looked between us and bowed her head. "Good," Ra's said, giving a nod of approval. He walked over to me looked into my eyes. "She will train you for a month. Then I will take over." He turned and started walking out the door. He paused and turned to Nyssa. "Remember that if in four weeks she isn't where I expect her to be, it will just be more difficult for her in the long run." He walked out, slamming the door as he left. 

I turned to her shaking. I was so nervous. I didn't know how to fight. Hell, I couldn't even do five pushups. Now he wanted to train me into an assassin? Was he serious? "Nyssa, this is never going to happen. I'm not strong enough." 

She reached behind her and grabbed a long fighting stick, tossing it to me before reaching for a second one. "You're going to have to be, Felicity," was all she said before reaching out to strike me.

* * *

 

We trained relentlessly. She woke me up every morning before the sun rose and we trained without break. My muscles still ached as badly as they did the first time. It had only been a week, though, so I prayed that the pain wouldn't be this bad much longer. My sweat was falling off of my forehead onto the stone floor as I fought against my shaking arms to hold myself up in a plank. Nyssa walked over to me and put her foot on my spine. I cried out and collapsed to the ground. She sighed and sat down next to me. I pressed my face into the coolness of the stone, my breathing ragged. My lungs felt like they were both shredded and on fire. 

"You're making progress, Felicity. You must look at it like that," she reassured me. I just tried to press my face into the stone farther. She sighed and tapped on the floor rhythmically. "Felicity?" 

I sat up, trying to calm my panting. "Yes?" 

She looked at me and bit her lip. "Can I tell Oliver you're alive?" 

I closed my eyes and grit my teeth against the pain in my heart. "No." 

"Felicity," she pressed on, "you don't understand. He's so lost without you. I don't think he's eaten since it happened. I hear him scream at night. He's broken, Felicity. And I'm afraid if he doesn't learn of your salvation that he'll forever remain broken."

"Nyssa, I'm not saved yet. I have to try and be some assassin thing and I can't fucking do it!" I screamed, pounding my fist into the stone and cursing because that was really dumb to do. "He needs to think I'm dead, Nyssa. Because in a way I am. I'm not going to make it out of this the same Felicity that I was. If I'm even lucky enough to live through this. He needs to process and move on. If you tell him he'll never stop trying to get to me. He'll get himself hurt or worse. Oliver is strong. With time he'll be okay. Besides, he deserves to be with someone as strong as he is. I'm not. "

"You are strong." She announced forcefully.

"But not this strong." 

"Listen to me," she stood and walked over to me to crouched down, "look at where you are. You came to Nanda Parbat to save  _Oliver Queen._ My father gave you an impossible decision and you took it. Without hesitation, I heard. You gave up everything to save your friends. And you haven't crumbled. You were _dead_ a little over a week ago and now look at you. Felicity, even now you think of other people. You light yourself on fire to keep others warm. That is strength if I'd ever seen it." 

I let her words sink it. Softly I chuckled to myself. I pushed myself back up and held my plank position. She pressed her foot into my spine again. 

But I did not fall. 

* * *

 

A month went by much too quickly. I kept a tally of the days on the wall next to my cot. I felt like I was in Shawshank. I guess I kinda was. But worse.

I was stronger now. Faster. I could handle a stick without hitting myself in the face, no pun intended. I could almost be a passable assailant. _Almost_. I wasn't very sore anymore. I could do a lot of the things without thinking. My muscles were tone. I could feel them now. 

But it didn't feel right. When I laid down at night to try to sleep I felt like I had a bad taste in my soul. That's really the only way I knew how to describe it. I didn't feel like myself. And that worried me. It had only been a month of training and I felt like I was already forgetting who I was. I no longer wished for my computers. I was surprised how quickly that want was snuffed out. I now dreamt of combat moves and punching patters.  _Jab, jab, hook._

But every night without fail Oliver worked himself into my subconscious. Sometimes it was his face, agonized and screaming before the sword plunged into me. Sometimes it was our first night together. Sometimes it was out last. Nyssa gave me updates on him without me asking her to.  _"He ate today,"_ or " _I didn't hear him screaming last night."_ I knew she meant well, and most of the time it made my heart feel lighter. But the better his condition got the more of myself I felt slipping away. I didn't feel the need to stay when I knew he didn't need me anymore. John and the rest of them just needed some alive version of me that was useful to Ra's. Me, who I was down to my core was obsolete.  _But at least they were okay._

As promised, on the first day after a month Ra's opened the door to my cell instead of Nyssa. He had two soldiers with him. I stood straight and strong, my hands behind my back. He looked over me and nodded. His men came in and took my cot away. I didn't even attempt to argue. This was my life now. 

"How have you been, Felicity?" 

I looked into his eyes, "I'm sure you'll be finding out soon enough." 

His laugh rumbled from his chest shortly before he started circling around me. "Yes, I guess I will be. Let's see what kind of shape Nyssa got you into." 

He pulled out a long stick, matching mine. I pulled out mine. He threw a few half-hearted jabs at me and I easily swiped them away. His strikes got increasingly more difficult to block and I soon felt the familiar sting across my cheek. This hurt more than when Nyssa got me, though. This drew blood. I wiped it away and looked at him to see him smiling. 

"Not too bad. You have actually come father than I anticipated," He complemented. He reached behind him and put away the stick, and I did the same, "Now, let's see what else you can do." By the time I had completed his tests my body  was coated in sweat and just as sore as it was when I had started. He was impressed though. "We must get you a new name, Felicity. Like Al-Sah-him." He scrunched up his nose and thought for a second. "Azrael," he settled on. 

"The Angel of Death?" I asked, my voice sounding like a whisper. 

He grinned. "Of course you would know that. Yes, my dear. You will be my little Angel." 

What was left to say on that?

We trained together for five months. Five long, excruciating months. He woke me up every morning with a bucket of water. We trained until I collapsed from exhaustion and then trained more. He called me Azrael over and over again. Making me repeat it.  _"Felicity is dead. I am Azrael."_ It felt so wrong. By the third month I thought I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't recognize myself. My body felt alien to me. My voice sounded different. But one thing that never changed was that I saw Oliver's face every night in my dreams. I wondered how he was doing. It was terrible now knowing anymore. _Was he eating or was he screaming?_  

After a few months Ra's had challenged me to another duel with the sticks. We'd done this a million times by now. They all ended in my failure. But this one turned out differently. I caught him off guard and wailed into his face. Then, without even waiting for him to realize what happened, I rammed into his throat, then swiped his legs out from under him. Once he caught his breath he was laughing again. "My dear, you are ready." 

He whistled and two guards came in holding shackles. They clipped them around my wrists and the next thing I knew I was being strung up, my feet barely touching the floor. I didn't struggle, didn't have the energy to. Pain radiated from my wrists but I tried to ignore it. Eventually I heard the crackle of a fire and my stomach tied itself in knots. 

Ra's walked behind me and cut away the back of my jumpsuit. "This will hurt, Azrael. Just remember to channel that pain into strength for the future. I tried to look behind me a caught a glimpse of what he was talking about. Metal Angel's wings shone bright orange as the soldier handed it to him. I swallowed a whimper and closed my eyes. "Here we go," he announced and pressed it to my exposed skin.

I couldn't help but fight against the chains. I bit my lip so I wouldn't scream, but my body tried to get away from the heat, causing the handcuffs to dig deeper into my wrists. When it was over I went lip, letting all my weight fall onto my numb wrists. Ra's walked in front of me.

"You're ready, Azrael. Tomorrow we will introduce you to the rest of The League." His men unchained me and I fell to the ground. I laid there limp, processing what he just said. After he closed the door and I was alone I curled up into a ball and silently wept. 


	8. Angel of Small Deaths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I just want to take a minute to say thank you for the positive response. I was pretty afraid that you guys would all hate the direction I was going with it, but there were sweet comments, so thank you all for being amazing and receptive. 
> 
> Secondly! There is music in this chapter, too! Sorry, guys, I guess Hozier is just going to narrate this story for you.. 
> 
> ****Last and possibly most important!!!!**** There will be a bit of violence in this chapter. It doesn't get horribly graphic, but I wanted you all to be prepared. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

He came to my room early, and for once I was relieved to have the bone-numbing water wash over me. It made the burning of my back hurt a little less. I uncurled myself and stood tall as I turned to face him. He stood with a grin on his face. It made me sick to my stomach looking at it. Without word he turned to his men and they handed him a box. He passed it to me. I simply raised my eyebrows at him and he chuckled, "It's a present, my dear Azrael."

I opened the lid and removed what was inside. It was a mask, made of a light, thin metal. The way it was crafted made it look like it was made out of silver feathers. It was actually breathtaking. Ra's took it from my hand and slipped my glasses off. He slowly put it on my face. It fit perfectly, covering my face up to my mouth. I could see through it clearly. I rolled my head back and forth, seeing if it shifted. It didn't. I looked at Ra's, trying to remain steady. "Thank you."

He nodded, taking the mask off and putting it back in the box. He turned around again and gave me a white jumpsuit. "Since I destroyed this one," he said, running his finger over the whole on my chest. "You may use Nyssa's room to prepare. But the mask must stay on. If you reveal to Al Sah-him who you used to be, you will both be killed, which means our deal is terminated and none of your friends are safe. Are we clear?"

Fear rushed over me. "But what if he recognizes me? He knows my voice." 

"Then I suggest limiting your words until we find another solution," He said, "Go on to Nyssa's room. You may shower and get changed. I expect you ready in under an hour." He stormed out of my cell without further words.

I silently followed that guards, relieved that no one felt the need to grab my arm to escort me anymore. We got to the room and they left me immediately. The first thing I did was full the tub up with cold water. I thought of the first night I was here and how hot I had it.  _Oh, the irony._ I whimpered as I lowered my scorched back into the water. After a while the stinging subsided and it felt nice. I cringed internally when I thought of having to put on the other jumpsuit later. Eventually I had no choice but to get out.

I held up the jumpsuit to inspect it further. To my surprise it actually had holes in the back cut into the shape of wings. Maybe it wouldn't hurt that badly after all. I slipped it on and found it to be surprisingly comfortable. The only problem was that it was a little thicker so it was sort of stiff, but I figured that it would break in eventually. 

I went to tie my hair into a ponytail and stopped.  _Oliver would know._ I was already pushing it by seeing him as it is, I couldn't chance that, too. I dutch braided my hair quickly and ran my hand over the braid that stood out against my scalp. I could get use to this. I had to. I slipped on the mask and looked into the mirror. 

Who was this person? My eyes were dark and stormy. My face, the little you could see, was covered in bruises in all different phases of healing. The muscles in my arms were tone and easily visible through the suit. Even in the braid I could tell that my hair had gotten longer. My features looked different, besides the distortion of the mask. I used to have a smile on my mouth, but now it was tight and straight. My posture was rigid and trained. I walked softer and didn't use my hands when I talked as much. Maybe I didn't have to worry so much about Oliver recognizing me. I could hardly recognize myself. 

There was a knock at the door and I moved to open it. Nyssa entered and wrapped me into her arms. I gave a sharp moan and she pulled back. "I really do appreciate the enthusiastic hugs, Nyssa, they just always seem to happen at bad times." 

Without a word she spun me around and gasped. I turned to see her covering her mouth with her hands. She slowly removed them and said, "Oh, Felicity. I am so sorry. He is truly a monster." 

I shrugged my shoulders. "This is not your fault. Nothing that he does is your fault. But come on, we need to get to this meeting soon. Your father wanted me there within an hour." 

She nodded and silently escorted me back to the dining hall. I sighed and stepped behind her, waiting for her to open the door. I could hear Ra's on the other side of it. "Now I'd like you to meet the newest member of The League. [Azrael. The Angel Of Death.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bmp4QWzHak)" 

Nyssa pushed open the doors and stepped aside. I strode in past her, my back straight, chin up, looking at no one but Ra's. I heard them cat call me and forced myself not to roll my eyes. One guard come forward and tried grabbing at me. I caught his hand midair and flipped him onto the ground, pushing my heel into his abdomen. I spoke no words because I didn't know where Oliver was (and truthfully didn't dare look) so I didn't want him to hear my voice. A couple of the other guards chuckled and I kept walking until I made it to Ra's. 

When I got closer I realized he had the chalice in his hand. Memories of being sick flashed before my eyes. I didn't have a choice, though. When I reached him he held it out to me and I took it. With my eyes never leaving his I threw back the whole thing. He flashed a wicked smile and raised his arms and the room cheered.

"Are we ready to see our rookie in action?" He asked. Again all cheers. 

Action? This wasn't how it happened last time. The guards moved away so a space was clear in the middle, much like when there was a dance floor there. One of the soldiers stepped forward, holding a rod with a spiked ball connected by a chain. I looked to Ra's who simply extended his arm out, silently telling me to go. I locked eyes with Nyssa who looked frightened.

I thought of John sitting in the foundry looking at my picture. I had to do this. 

I pulled out my stick and stepped forward. The soldier started spinning the ball around, a menacing grin on his face. We circled around each other a few times before he swung it out me. I easily dodged it. I was almost impressed with my own grace. I waited until he swung again and then when his arm was outstretched I rammed my stick into his ribs. He curled over and I kicked my knee up into his face, hearing the sickening crack of his nose. He reeled back and clutched his nose, but quickly regained. He threw out a swift side kick and landed me on my ass. I heard him grunt and saw the ball heading for my face. I quickly rolled away, but one of the spikes caught my arm. I looked at the blood oozing from it and felt a little woozy. Time to finish this. He swung it again and I jumped up, avoiding it. I cracked my stick into the back of his head and he pitched forward, unconscious. Ra's gave me a nod of approval as two of his men dragged the unconscious man away. 

Malcolm stepped forward then. He stood directly across from me and bowed. I did the same and prepared myself.  _But hell, it was going to feel great to get some good hits on Malcolm._ He quickly notched his bow and shot three arrows at me. I swatted them away with the stick easily. I hopped up and down a little bit, trying to keep myself focused. He stepped forward and swung the bow at me. I grabbed it and pulled him towards me, ramming my knee into his gut. He struck my face with his elbow, snapping my head to the side. His hand struck my neck and I cried out slightly, stumbling back. He drew back his fist to strike again, but I was quicker. I slammed my stick into his ribs and heard a violent  _crack._ Without stopping I caught his jaw with an uppercut, snapping his head back. I drew back and slashed my stick across his face. He swept my legs out from under me with his bow, but as I landed I kicked his out from under him and managed to kick his face on the way down. I reached above my head, grabbing my stick and jumping up from the ground, quickly pressing it against his throat while pressing my heel into his shoulder. I looked to Ra's who nodded again and I backed away from Malcolm. He stood up and bowed once more, but his eyes lingered on my my face. I turned it away, trying not to let him look for too long.

When I looked back Oliver was standing in front of me. I felt my stomach knot up. I stayed where I was and he circled around me. I heard him take out some arrows and turned around in time to swat two down, but the third landed in my thigh. A hiss of pain escaped my lips. I continued circling me as I pulled it from my thigh, my vision doubling at the amount of blood that came with it. I made no move to strike back. I felt sick thinking of hurting him. But on the bright side the arrow in my thigh meant that he didn't recognize me. He put his bow away and drew his sword. My mouth went dry. I really needed to fight back now, or death was unavoidable. I just reminded myself how strong he was. He could take it. Hell, I'd only been training for months, he had years of experiences. I turned to face him and gripped my stick tighter. He lunged forward and I leaned back, the sword whizzing by my face. I stood back up and blocked his second strike, pushing back and sending him stumbling back a few feet. I longed forward and cracked his stomach then went to kick his legs out from under him. He anticipated it and jumped up, over my leg. When he came back down he slammed his elbow into my back, pitching me forward. I fell, bracing myself with my hands, but my stick scattered forward.  _Shit._ I knew he was going to strike again and I scrambled to get my stick back. I grabbed it and turned onto my back, holding it up across my face. It caught his sword just in time. He pulled back and tried it again and his sword stuck into my stick so when he pulled it back my stick tore out of my hands. I sat up and rolled in between his legs standing on the other side of him. I went to punch him, but he turned too quickly and managed to catch my throat in his hand. He squeezed and I struggled to breathe. He lifted me in the air and I saw grey in my vision.  _So much to hurting him._ I kicked my legs back and forth but with no use. His eyes made contact with mine and I saw a flash of confusion go through them. He loosened his grip enough for me to struggle in a breath. I kicked my leg up, catching him in the stomach and he doubled over. I elbowed him in the back of the neck so he went down to one knee and quickly put him in a headlock. He didn't struggle and I looked over to Ra's. His eyes were dark and angry, but he gave a slight nod. 

I let go of Oliver and walked right back to Ra's trying not to limp. I turned in time to see him bow and walk back into the crowd. I looked at Nyssa who was smiling proudly and back to Ra's who was still just angry. She didn't notice the hesitation of Oliver. But Ra's did. 

"Enjoy the rest of your night," Ra's announced to the crowd, "you'll most likely regret it in the morning." There were a few chuckles from the crowd and he turned to me. "Sit. Eat. It'll help absorb some of the poison you took. I'll deal with you later." He walked over to a table and pulled out a seat for me. I took it and Nyssa snatched the one right next to me. I watched Ra's walk away, noticing how rigid his stance was. He was pissed. I turned and sat straight, just in time to see Oliver take the seat across from me. 

* * *

 

 "That was a good fight you put up," He said to me. I froze, my mouth partially open as I just stared at him. There were deep shadows under his eyes and his cheek bones seemed sharper than they used to be. I guess he was doing more screaming than eating. I simply nodded my head. He squinted his eyes and tilted his head. "It's Azrael, right?" Again, just another nod from me. I looked to Nyssa for some help and she seemed to catch on. 

"Yeah, she doesn't talk," She butted in and Oliver's attention shifted to her. "It's kinda of weird, I know. I've been training her for the past couple weeks along with my father and she hasn't said a single word." 

Oliver studied me for a moment. My heart was pounding. He said something in another language that I didn't understand. Then he said something in another and another. I just looked at Nyssa unsure of what to do. 

"Uhm. Yeah..." Nyssa said, trying not to laugh, "I don't think that's working. Oliver shrugged his shoulders. Food was put in front of all of us. Nyssa and I dug in immediately and he just looked as his plate. I give Nyssa a small kick on the table and motioned to him. She nodded. "Is something wrong with your food?" 

He looked up at her. "Uh, no. I'm just not hungry." 

She put her fork down a leaned closer to him, lowering her voice so only we could hear, "You need to eat, Oliver. You must keep up your strength." 

His jaw was taught and he leaned in as well. I guess being silent meant that he forgot I was here because he spoke to her without worrying if I was listening. "I'm fine. You need to stop worrying about me." 

She sighed. "I miss her, too." He inhaled sharply and looked down. My heart constricted.  _He still missed me._ "Oliver, think of what she would say now. She'd be furious at you for not taking care of yourself." 

"But she isn't here. Because I failed her. She's dead and I'm still here, eating dinner from the man who took her from me." 

"She wouldn't think that," Nyssa bit back. I was shaking from head to toe, biting my lip. It took everything I had not to say anything. I was just glad that Nyssa was saying what I wanted to say. "She would be crushed if you got hurt because of this." 

"I let her die, Nyssa," he snapped under his breath, "I don't deserve to live." 

I let out a shaky breath. "If this girl truly loved you," I whispered, and thanked God that my voice was raspy and unrecognizable after being strangled, "then she would disagree." Now it was Nyssa kicking me under the table, giving me a warning. 

Oliver looked at me and without words sat back. He slowly began to eat his food. My heart lifted and I struggled to keep my lips from curling into a smile. He was taking longer to get over me than I thought it would take him. I didn't realize how important I was. Nyssa looked over to me and noticed my thigh was still bleeding. 

"Azrael, here," she handed me her cloth napkin and I pressed it onto my wound. "you need to get the bleeding to stop." 

Oliver looked up again. "I'm sorry about that. If it makes you feel better, my head is still spinning from your hit. You've got some real strength to you." 

I smiled slightly and nodded my head, as if to say, ' _you, too.'_  He nodded back at me. 

He and Nyssa fell into their own conversation. I felt a pang of jealousy of how close they had gotten, but felt instantly guilty. I didn't want him to be alone. I wanted him to have someone to help him through this. Just, did that someone have to be so damn amazing? I mean she was beautiful and a fricken slayer. I let out a small sigh and focused on my food more. The poison must have been setting in already because I felt a bit dizzy. Nothing I couldn't handle, though. Something shiny reflected off of Oliver's hands and I looked to see what it was. I stifled a gasp when I realized it was the golden chain that hung from the red dress I had worn on our last night together. My heart shattered.  _He kept it._ _  
_

My moment was interrupted by Ra's appearing out of no where and whispering in my ear. "Follow me. Now." I quickly stood and nodded at Nyssa, putting the bloodied cloth on my empty plate. I looked at Oliver once more before turning on my heel and striding out with Ra's. His back remained to me and I simply followed it. He brought me back to my chambers and slammed the door. I stood silently, waiting for my punishment. He disappeared into the shadows and when he reappeared he was holding the shackles from last night. He stood in front of me and waited. I silently lifted my arms up and let him clamp the painful cuffs around my wrist. He chained me up then moved in back of me, unzipping my jumpsuit, fully exposing my back. "Consider this a warning of what will happen if you disappoint me again." 

I heard the crack of the whip before I felt it and cried out. I gritted my teeth against the sting and closed my eyes. He was relentlessly slicing into my skin with it. I tried to picture other things. I thought of my first night with Oliver, trying to recall every little detail I could. Picturing his face helped block out the pain. At some point I started screaming, and I couldn't seem to make myself stop. After what seemed like forever the pain subsided and the cracking stopped. He unhooked me and I collapsed again, a perfect mirror of yesterday.

He turned to leave and then stopped. He threw something down in front of my and then walked out. I grabbed it and held it up so I could see. It was my glasses. They cracked when they hit the ground. I clutched them to my chest and curled up around them. 

My last thought before I drifted to sleep was that I hoped Oliver had finished his meal. 

* * *

 

The next morning I managed to zipper my jumpsuit back up by myself. I redid my hair and slipped on my mask, wondering around the halls until I found the training room. No one else was there yet, so I decided to take advantage of it while I could. I found some kickboxing gloves and headed over to the bags. I practiced my punches, doing some combinations then dropping to the floor to do pushups. I did this for a few minutes before someone tapped my on the back. I spun around to see Oliver's blue eyes shining brightly. 

"Nice to see you're still in good shape after yesterday, Ra's seemed pretty pissed." I nodded my head and turned back to my bag, not wanting him to pay much attention to me. But he traced a finger across my exposed cuts and a hiss of pain escaped. "Well, I guess you didn't really get a break, huh?" I just went back to punching the bags. He disappeared for a second and then came back to the bag next to me.

We silently punched our bags for a while. More people started filling into the room and I felt a little better. I still wished he would move down. I didn't want Ra's to come in and get suspicious. I knew it wasn't my fault that he was here, but Ra's wouldn't look at it that way. I stopped working and bent over, leaning on my knees. The pain of the two nights had taken it's toll on me. I hadn't gotten this tired this quickly since I first started training. The poison probably wasn't helping either, though Ra's was right, eating got rid of most of the effects. I probably felt it so badly the first time because I didn't really eat anything. 

I stood up and Oliver stopped and turned to me. "I wanted to thank you," he said, catching me completely off guard. I stopped and stared at him blankly. He lowered his voice and continued. "I mean, for the advice last night. I can't seem to get it out of my head. I just lost her... I guess a few months ago now, but it seems like yesterday. It hurts as if it was just yesterday." He stopped himself and shook his head. "And I don't know why I just told you that." He studied me for a minute. "Well, Nyssa trusts you, though. She said so. And you don't say anything anyway."

I just looked at him for a while longer. I doubted my voice was still distorted from yesterday. The bruising wasn't even that bad. So I didn't dare answer him. I turned back to my bag and started punching again, trying to punch out the hurt that was in my heart. Oliver watched me for a minute before starting on his bag again as well. Only a few minutes had gone by when Malcolm walked over to Oliver, who stopped and turned to them. 

"There are intruders on the premises," Malcolm calmly said, "Ra's requests your presence." Oliver nodded and slipped off his gloves. Malcolm looked over to me and glared. "He asked for you, too, Azrael," he spit out, walking past me.

Clumsily, I removed my gloves and followed them. My blood ran cold as ice and one thought consumed me. 

_Dear God, please let it not be my team._

 


	9. You Make Her Sound So Interesting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I stayed up much too late finishing this.... So I promise to edit it tomorrow because my eyes are actually blurry right now, but I don't want to make those of you who are used to this hour wait. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

We ran down the hallways until we made it Ra's room. His door was already open and we ran through, skidding to a stop. I found myself slamming into Oliver's back. I backed up and felt my cheeks flush. He turned around and gave me a small smile. I felt my heart flutter and I looked away quickly.

"What's the situation?" Malcolm asked. My heart was racing, I was terrified at what his answer would be.

"I believe it's some of Damien's men. The bastard had the audacity to attack my home." He slammed his hand down on his table, his face bright red with anger. "I want no survivors taken. I don't want him to think that we're the slightest bit worried about who sent them. Gather two more men, Malcolm. There aren't that many of them and I don't want too many people on this. Al Sah-him go help him. I need to speak with Azrael privately. When we're done we'll meet you by the south doors." They both nodded and hurried out of the room. I turned to Ra's and stood straight with my hands behind my back. He walked over to his desk and picked something up, coming back to me. It was small, about the size of a pea. He held it up. "This will disguise your voice so you may speak. I was going to wait, but we'll need to communicate with our... surprise guests." He walked over to me and pressed it against the skin behind my ear. There was a sharp flash of pain and then nothing. "There. It's implanted into your skin, so it will be in all the time. You must simply press it to turn it on and off."

I reached my hand up and clicked it down. I heard a small  _humm._ "Testing, testing." My voice sounded like smoke. It was deeper and with just enough rasp to sound sexy and not like I smoked two packs a day. I nodded my head. 

"Good. Now, let's move. Follow me." He jogged out the door and down the hall. A few twist and turns later we found Oliver, Malcolm and the two other guards they gathered. Ra's moved to the front of the pack. "Let's do this." He opened the door and we faced twleve men. 

Six to twelve wasn't too bad, right? _Right._  Oliver and Malcolm notched their bows, I pulled out my stick out. Ra's was armed with his sword already. Oliver shot out an arrow that just deflected off of their armor.  He looked to Malcolm and they put their bows away and took our their swords. Ra's moved so I was no longer behind him, but next to him on the front line. One of the soldiers that also had stick whistled to me and stepped forward. I felt the flutter of panic but stepped forward. He charged forward, and swung his stick out, I raced up to meet him and blocked it. As soon as we clashed the rest of the groups met. 

He was stronger than I was. I could feel it in the block. I roundhouse kicked him and shuffled back, waiting for his next move. He spun his stick horizontally and I dropped to the ground to avoid it. I bounced back up and tried to bring my stick down straight onto his head, but he saw that move coming and blocked me easily, seizing the opportunity to deliver a front kick that sent me flying back a few feet. I landed hard on my back and all the wind rushed out of my lungs. He jumped on me and wrapped his hands around my throat. I struggled against him and clawed at his hands. My vision started greying and my lungs left like they were on fire.  _Mother fraker._ I gave one last heave to try and get him off of me, but no such luck.  _I'm sorry, John,_ I thought. 

Suddenly his grip released and I sucked in as much air as I could manage. He was thrown off of me and I was staring into the face of Malcolm. He extended his hand and I took it, pulling myself up. I looked down at the man and saw Malcolm's sword sticking out of his back. He put his foot on the man's body and unstuck it. I tried not to gag. I looked into his eyes. "Thank you." 

He winked, "Don't mention it." He took off and started fighting someone else. 

A knife flew past me and I jumped back. This girl was running towards me, flinging literal daggers my way. I dodged them quickly, re-gripping my stick. She through four at a time and I blocked three of them, but the fourth found its way into my side. I cried out and dropped to my knees. She still came out me and I managed to knock her away and she flew into one of the two random guards, who then began fighting with her. I used my stick as a cane and pulled myself up. My vision was greying out and I knew I couldn't take much more. 

I scanned around to see how many were left. That's when I saw Oliver. He was fighting someone with a sword and another soldier was charging at his back, ready to strike. Oliver had no idea. I ran forward, completely forgetting about the knife in my side. Nothing else mattered. I got closer, but the soldier was faster. I was running out of options. I skidded to a stop and hastily pulled the knife out of my side, letting out a sharp scream. The soldier was only a foot away from him. "Hey!" I screamed, getting the soldier's attention. He turned to look at me and I flung the knife at him. It landed in the center of his chest. 

He fell to his knees, gasping, before pitching forward. I gasped and covered my mouth with my hands. Oliver finished off the other soldier and turned around, staring confused at the dead soldier behind him. He kicked him over with his foot and saw the knife jutting out of his chest. I got closer, staring at the man. His eyes were still open and I wanted desperately to close them. The image burned in my brain and I struggled to breathe.  _I didn't mean to kill him. I didn't have a choice. It was him or Oliver._

Oliver looked between me and the man I slaughtered. "Did you do that?" I nodded my head. His eyes grew wide as he the realization at how close he came to dying sunk in. "Thank you." 

I fell to my knees and clutched my side. He ran to me and moved my hand, taking a better look at my wound. "You need to get this fixed, and soon." He scooped me up and started walking. The other's were standing together, comparing battle wounds. None of the twelve soldiers were alive anymore.

Ra's saw Oliver carrying me and jogged over. "What happened?" 

"I'm okay," I said, climbing out of Oliver's arms. But as soon as I had to support myself I fell right back to the ground. Oliver picked me back up. "The girl got one of her stupid daggers in my side." 

Ra's looked at it and nodded. "Get her inside, Al Sah-him. She'll need to be stitched up. Bring her to Nyssa's room, she'll take care of her." 

Oliver nodded his head and brought me inside. We didn't speak the entire time. I felt like I was floating and I wasn't sure if it was because I was back in Oliver's arms or if I had lost a lot of blood. I felt like either one of those could be a valid option at that point. He managed to open Nyssa's door while holding me still and started walking toward her bed. 

"Oh, no," I said, kinda loving the sound of my own voice, not gonna lie, "not on her nice bed, I'm so bloody. Just put me on the floor." He gave me a weird look, but complied. 

"I'll be right back," He said, "I'm going to go find her." He jogged out. I felt super light headed. I desperately wished that I had some of the Tylenol that John had given me when I got shot. He jogged back in with Nyssa who gasped and ran right over to me. 

"What happened?" She asked, looking at it. 

"Some bitch was throwing daggers." I sighed, covering my eyes with my arm. The darkness felt comforting. I guess after six months of living in a cave did that to me. She poked and prodded at me. She told Oliver to get a kit for her and when he handed it to her he began to stitch me up. "Shit, Nyssa." 

She looked up at me and grinned. "You're just lucky you can feel pain. Who pulled this out?" 

She touched something that hurt and I moaned. "Ugh, I did." 

She shook her head, "That was bloody stupid of you."

I gritted my teeth and talked through them, "Well, I didn't have much of a choice." 

Oliver stepped forward, "She saved my life. I didn't realize I was being attacked from behind. She got the guy right in the chest." 

Nyssa's eyes snapped to me and I looked away. I closed my eyes and breathed out slowly. "Are you okay, Azrael?" She asked softly. I just nodded my head, not wanting to talk about it. 

Oliver looked between us but said nothing. Thankfully Nyssa finished up the stitches. They helped me up and I managed to stand on my own. "Thank you." I said. 

"Anytime. And by anytime I mean, let's never have to do this again, yes?" 

I let out a laugh, "You must not be too familiar with The League of Assassins." She and Oliver laughed at that, too. "Alright, I'm going to go lay down." 

"Let me walk you there," Oliver said.

I sent a panicked look at Nyssa. I was still sleeping in the cell, I didn't want it to seem suspicious. 

"Actually, Oliver, do you mind if I walk her? We have some catching up to do." 

He nodded. "Sure. If you need anything let me know." 

I gave him a smile. "Thank you." 

"No," He said, his icy blue eyes captivating mine, "thank you. You saved me out there." 

I looked down, glad that the mask was hiding how much I was blushing. "Anytime." 

Nyssa looped her arm in mine and helped me stumble to the door. "See you later," she called. We hobbled down the hallway together and into my cage. I dropped to the floor almost instantly, panting. This really put me on the disabled list. I needed it to heal quickly, because Ra's was going to be very displeased if I wasn't able to train when he wanted to. Nyssa sat down next to me. "Are you really okay, Felicity? I know how a first kill feels." 

I sighed. "I don't know, it happened like ten minutes ago. Honestly, I haven't processed at all. I didn't mean to. He was going to kill Oliver, I didn't really think, I just reacted. I'd never practiced throwing knives before, I didn't think I'd actually be good at it. I thought at most I would piss him off and he'd come after me instead."

She sighed, "See again, you're too self-sacraficing." 

I shrugged, "It's in my nature." 

"What's with the voice, by the way?" She asked. 

"Oh," I reached behind my ear and turned it off. "Your father made it for me. Or at least had it made for me. I'm not sure exactly which. But anyway, it's so I can talk to Oliver without him recognizing my voice." 

She shook her head slightly. "Well, if you need to talk, I'm here for you. Except for now. My father wanted to give me a debriefing of how it went out there today." I nodded my head. "I'll come visit you later, I promise." 

After she left I tried to get some sleep. But every time I closed my eyes I saw the face of the man I killed. He was nameless. I knew nothing about him. He could have had no one or an entire family that I took him from. After a while I decided it was useless to try to get any sleep. It jus wasn't happening tonight. I managed to get up without too much pain. I felt like I was healing more quickly than I should. I thought of when we used the pit on Thea. Malcolm said it would change a person. Maybe then they used it on me that's what it changed.  _I could live with that,_ I decided. 

I walked back to the training room, practicing my combos some more. My side burned.  _Yeah, never mind about the healing faster thing._ I wasn't sure how long I stayed there, but I didn't stop until I was pretty sure I was going to rip some stitches out if I didn't. As I was walking back I heard the sound of Oliver screaming. 

* * *

 

 I ran down the hallway and followed his voice. Once I found where it was coming from I just entered. I didn't think to knock, panic had overwhelmed me. He was laying in bed, tossing and screaming. I ran over to him and shook his arm, trying to wake him up. "Felicity!" He bellowed, sitting straight up. His eyes darted around the room in a panic. But when they focused on me they turned into confusion. "Azrael?" He asked, "What are you doing here?" 

As subtly as I could I reached behind my ear and clicked on the device. "I heard you screaming. I thought that maybe you were in trouble. I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone now." I quickly turned around and walked to the door. 

"No, wait," he called out. "You can stay. I mean... if you want to." 

I smiled to myself, but made sure my face was more stoic when I turned to look at him. "Sure, for a little while, at least. Since neither of us can seem to sleep." He chuckled a little bit and I took a seat on the couch. We sat in silence for a little bit. I glanced at him. He was laying back against his pillows, one arm crossed over his forehead, staring up at the ceiling. I cleared my throat, "bad dreams?" 

He turned his head to look at me and nodded. "Yes. Every night it's the same thing." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked, holding my breath. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it. It was hard not being able to comfort him as myself. But he clearly needed to talk to somebody. I mean how often did he open up like this?

He was silent for a moment but then spoke. "I see Felicity, my uhm," he chuckled softly, "my girl... I see her being killed by Ra's over and over again. And there's nothing I can do to stop it." 

My heart lurched. I wanted to tell him. Tell him that I was alive and surprisingly okay. But I knew I couldn't risk it. "I'm sorry," I said, genuine empathy echoing in my voice. Comfortable silence fell over us and I leaned my head into the couch, closing my eyes. "It sounds like you truly loved her." 

He nodded his head, "I did. But I was stupid. I was so obsessed with my crusade. I was sold on the fact that I couldn't be two people at once. I threw her away. I didn't realize that with her by my side I could do anything until it was too late. She deserved so much more than the fate I gave her." 

"You can't blame yourself," I said, "you didn't kill her, Ra's did." 

"But I couldn't save her. That will haunt me for the rest of my life." He looked away from me and back up to the ceiling. For the moment my heart simply hurt too much to respond. He sighed and continued talking. "She was so funny. She always made me want to laugh. And she always knew just what to say. I'd never met someone who was so willing to put their issues aside for everyone else like that. She was always there. She didn't have the easiest life, either, but you'd never know. She smiled more than anyone I knew." 

My heart fluttered. "You make her sound so interesting." 

He shook his head, "It's not me making her sound that way, she just was. She walked into a room and you couldn't help but stare at her. She was so expressive, even when she thought no one was watching. _Especially_ then. And she used to do this thing," he paused and chuckled to himself, "where she would just babble on and on. Sometimes she'd catch herself, but most of the time she wouldn't. I regret every single time I stopped her. I could have listened to her talk forever." 

I smiled. I never knew this was how he really felt. "I'm sure she loved you." 

He nodded his head. "She did. She only said it to me a few times. A long time after I said it to her. But I knew that she did." 

I felt content. No matter what, even if I died now, at least he knew that I loved him. That's all I needed. He told me more stories of the two of us together. I laughed at a lot of them. Some of them I had to bite my lip to keep from correcting him on what really happened. After a while his breathing slowed, and I knew he was asleep. Though I'd only slept next to him a few times I knew the patter of his breathing. I stood from the couch and walked over to the bed. He was simply divine. I pulled his sheets up over him and sighed. "I do love you," I whispered, "I love you so much." 

* * *

I wandered around the empty hallways before I found myself back in the foundry. It was clear no one had touched it from the amount of dust that was on all the computers. I cleaned on off and sat down in front of it. With a few strokes of the keyboard I had visual on the foundry back home. I was surprised when I saw Laurel and Roy standing in it. It was really late back home.  _What were they doing there?_

"So that's it then," Roy said, "We leave for Nanda Parbat tomorrow morning?" 

My blood ran cold as ice, _no, no, no, this was wrong._

Laurel nodded. "Yes. We have to get them back, and since John is stuck on the promise he made Felicity, we'll have to do it without him." 

Roy nodded his head. "Agreed. We'll take Ray's jet first thing in the morning." 

"Yes," Laurel agreed, "we should probably get some sleep then. That's just a few hours away." 

They walked out of sight of the camera's. My head started spinning. They were going to come here. They were going to die. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. 

 _No,_ I thought, _there had to be a way._ I left the foundry quickly and walked back to Nyssa's room, opening the door. Luckily she was still awake, sitting up in her bed. 

"Felicity, what on earth are you doing here?" 

I walked over and sat at the edge of her bed. "It's Laurel and Roy," I said, and her eyes widened. "They're coming here. Tomorrow." 

"What?" She gasped, "How do you know?" 

"I hacked into the security camera's in the foundry to check on them and I heard what they were planning." 

She looked nervous. "Do you have any way of communicating with them to tell them not to come?" 

I shook my head, "I'm afraid anything further might be picked up if Ra's had the system rigged. A low level hacking job I can keep off of the grid, but making actual contact with them? He'll know in a second." 

There was a knock at the door and we both jumped. I got off the bed to see who it was. When I opened it I was shocked to see Malcolm standing on the other side of the door. He walked in past me and I closed the door. I clicked the voice device on quickly. "No, Malcolm, please, come in and make yourself at home." 

He turned and smiled. "Than you, Azrael. Or rather, Felicity." Nyssa and I looked at each other and I tried to tilt my head in confusion. "You can stop now, I know. Who do you think planted the seed in Ra's head to revive you?"

"But how? Why?" I asked, pulling off the mask and turning the device off. 

"I've been working with Oliver since before we dropped him off to be the new Ra's Al Ghul. We had a plan to destroy it from the inside. That's why I needed you all to come to the island so I could win my way back on here. We needed him to believe that we didn't care what happened to you. I didn't expect him to take you, though. And for that I am sorry." 

"If you and Oliver had a plan then why haven't you used it yet?" Nyssa asked. 

"Well after Ms. Smoak's death he lost motivation. And I couldn't carry it out on my own. But it seems like two of your friends are coming to visit you now. So maybe we can pull this off after all." He extended his hand out to me. "Do we have a deal, Ms. Smoak?" 

I looked at Nyssa who looked unsure. I wasn't even sure what to  believe. But I didn't have any other options. I reached out and took his hand. "Tell us the plan." 

He shot me a lopsided grin, "That's why I'm here." 

 


	10. We Didn't Start The Fire (But Roy May Have).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's true. This is the final chapter. I hope that it lives up up to your hopes and dreams. If it doesn't, I'm really, really sorry. I'll get mushy with you guys at the end.. for now, just enjoy!

We spent about an hour going over the plan. It was surprisingly simple, but at the same time it felt like if we pulled it off it would be a miracle. We would have to move quickly and hope that Laurel and Roy could catch on quick enough. And trust us. It was risky. And there was a really good chance that it wouldn't work. But we had to try.

I was curled up in the corner of my cave, listening to the sound of my breathing and a distant  _drip, drip, drip_ coming from somewhere. I was trying to stay awake, but failing miserably. Eventually sleep pulled me under and I saw his face. The man I killed. His eyes were open, there was blood dripping from his chin. I looked down at my hands and saw they were covered in blood. His blood. I sat up screaming. I dragged in a couple ragged breaths and fought to calm myself. There was a knock on my door and I hopped up, scrambling to put on my mask. I slowly walked over and pressed my ear against the door. There was no talking but there were three more raps on the door. I opened it and gasped when it was Oliver. 

"Hey," He said, rubbing the back of his head. "I guess we're switching roles, now. I heard you screaming." 

I tried to close the door so he couldn't see in. I reached behind my ear and pressed the device, and when he looked I tried to play it off as if I was scratching my ear. "Uhm, yeah. I'm sorry. Guess you're not the only one with bad dreams." I said sheepishly. 

He smiled and batted my arm lightly. "Do you always have that mask on?" 

"It's actually part of my skull, I said. 

His eyes bulged, "Really?" 

I laughed, "No, I'm kidding." 

He laughed, too, but then his eyes went distant. He looked over my shoulder and pushed my door open. I tried to stop him, but it was too late. He stepped inside and looked around, horror on his face. "This is where you're living?" His voice sounded breathless. 

I thought about telling him, for a second. But I was afraid. Knowing Oliver and his rage, I wasn't sure he'd think clearly. I couldn't risk messing up our plan. No one I loved could die. "Yeah. It's not that bad. It's actually kind of comforting now."

His mouth dropped open and he looked around the room again. "Where do you sleep?" He asked. 

I shrugged my shoulders. "Uhm, wherever is the least wet that night." I rubbed my arms, feeling extremely uncomfortable. I felt exposed and kind of ashamed. If Oliver knew it was me he would have been going ballistic right now. It made me really look at my surroundings. He was right. For frack's sake there wasn't even a cot. I felt like sewer trash. 

"This is unacceptable, Azrael. I'm going to talk to Ra's and demand this be changed immediately," he turned to walked out the door and I grabbed his hand, clasping it tight. He stopped immediately and slowly turned around. 

"Please, there's no need. You'll only upset him." I couldn't have Ra's thinking there was something going on between us. If he thought for a second Oliver knew, he'd kill him without a second thought. "Honestly, it's okay. I don't mind it." 

Oliver looked at our hands and stepped closer to me. I felt a  _humm_ all over my body. I could practically feel his warmth. I looked up at him and his eyes locked with mine. His head dipped forward slightly and my breath caught in my throat. "You remind me so much of her," He whispered, scanning my eyes. His free hand traced up my arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps. He leaned his head forward a little bit more and I could feel the warmth of his breath. I licked my lips and his eyes seemed to go a shade darker. He pulled back suddenly and rubbed his face with his hand. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking." He turned around and I could see shoulder's tense up. 

I felt both rejected and flattered at the same time. I went to touch his arm but pulled back, thinking that it probably wasn't the best idea. "It's okay. I understand." 

"She was my everything," He said, his voice raw. "When I say I died with her, I'm not lying. I haven't felt anything since she's been gone." He turned then and looked at me. "But when I see you, I think of her. When you saved me, it just... It was something she would do. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lead you on. I just can't live without her. And sometimes being with you... it's like she's still here." 

 _Oh, my precious idiot,_ I thought. I smiled at him. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. Someone once told me that I'd light myself on fire to keep other's warm. I'm not sure that statement is completely correct, but I certainly don't mind helping." 

He smiled slightly, "I wouldn't doubt it." He walked towards the door, grabbing the handle and pausing to turn back around and look at me. "See you in the training room?" 

I smiled back at him, "See you in the training room." 

He closed the door and my heart lurched.  _Dear God, this better work._

* * *

 

As soon as I could I met Nyssa and Malcolm in the fake foundry. I warmed up my babies, well fake babies, and turned to Malcolm. "So you set up the sleeping gas in the air vents?" 

Malcolm nodded. "All the air vents leading to the dining room are filled. We didn't have enough to gas the whole building, but this will do. Dinner time is the perfect opportunity because that's approximately when Laurel and Roy should be landing." 

I nodded at him and turned to Nyssa, "I'll need you to meet them at the landing site. I need to be there to make sure that gas actually deploys and if Malcolm goes, they won't listen. They'll trust you." 

She chewed on her lip and looked at me, her brows furrowing. "I know that makes sense, but I'm afraid to leave you alone with  _him._ "

"Standing right here," Malcolm huffed under his breath.

"I understand your worry, Nyssa. But it's the only way. We have no other options." I said. It was pure fact, she honestly couldn't argue with it. She mulled it over before nodding her head. "Good. Now, we've already been inoculated. I know that Oliver is usually at the training room now. He said he'd see me there. I'lll get the patch on him then. When it all goes down, Malcolm and I will try to take on Ra's. Hopefully Oliver will help us, too. But we'll probably really need you three for back up." 

Nyssa smiled slightly. "Once Oliver learns you're alive he'll probably be able to kill Ra's himself." I felt a twist in my stomach and looked down too quickly. "Felicity... what was that?" 

I cleared my throat, avoiding eye contact with her. "I don't want to tell him." 

She sent me a look and scrunched up her nose. "Any why not?" 

I sighed. "Because I don't feel like myself anymore. Because he's seen what I've been living in for the past six months.  Because he watched me kill someone. There are a million reasons. But the first is the most important. I'm not his Felicity anymore. I'm not  _their_  Felicity anymore. I can't go back to them and let the see what I've become. I want them to remember who I was." 

"Felicity," She said, crouching down in front of my like she always did when she was lecturing me. "This better be the last damn speech I give you. You are this Felicity. Yes, you are different than what you were. But you aren't worse. You saved their lives. All of them, including Oliver's. How could they hate you for that? Their love for you is unconditional. Sure, there will be some adjusting on both ends. But they'll love you just the same as they did." 

I looked up at her and pulled her into a tight hug. Malcolm cleared his throat and I looked at him. 

"She's right, Felicity. You know these people. They all have history, too. You don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love." 

I laughed, a small laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. "That was really sweet, Malcolm." 

He smiled and nodded his head, "Having a daughter has softened me up." 

We all laughed at that.

"So you'll tell him?" Nyssa asked. 

I bit my lip. "I still have to think about it." 

"Well, think fast," He said, "you have an hour." 

* * *

I made my way to the training room. I was so nervous I swore I could feel it oozing out of my pores. The mental image of that grossed me out and I shook my head to try to clear it. I found Oliver, punching a bag in the far corner of the training room. No one else was here, so it was perfect to make my move. I walked over with my gloves and started lightly attacking the bag next to his. I didn't want to wear myself out too much because I would need all my energy for later. He stopped and looked over at me, a smile on his lips. 

"Tired?" He asked. I nodded my head and he shook his. He focused on his bag for a little while and then turned to me again. "I meant to ask you last night. When you saved me out there. Was that your first kill?" I shivered and nodded my head, not able to make eye contact with him. He stared at me for a few more seconds. "I'm sorry that you had to do that for me. I'd say it gets easier, but if we're being honest, for some people it never does." 

I focused on my bag. "Yeah, that's probably true." I never would be a good killer. But one thing was for sure, there was least more person that I was going to kill. Out of the corner of my eye I watched him hit his bag. My heart was pounding with anticipation for what I was going to do. He stopped and grabbed a towel, wiping himself off. When he stepped back to the mat I turned to face him. "Al Sah-him?" I said, and he turned his face to me. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and quickly pressed my lips to his. His body was rigid for a moment, but it didn't matter. I pressed the pad to the back of his neck. Suddenly his arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. His lips responded to mine and a line of fire shot down my body. I wrapped myself tighter to him and he lifted me up, off the ground. I moaned into his mouth and his body shook with a tremor. He put me back down and unwrapped his arms. I did the same, making sure that I took the pad with me, and quickly turned around before he said anything. My eyes filled with tears and I hoped that this wasn't goodbye. 

"Azrael.." He said, his voice barely a whisper.

I turned my head slightly, still not really facing him. "I'll see you at dinner." I quickly walked out of the room. Malcolm was waiting for me just outside. 

We walked down the hall and he whispered to me, "That was a little more than you needed to do." 

I swallowed back my tears and lightly touched my lips. They were still warm from his. "I'm not so sure I'll live through this. I just needed to kiss him one last time." 

Malcolm nodded his head, and for once I really felt like he understood.

* * *

 

We walked into the dining room and I felt as if I was going to pass out. It was crowded, just as we'd hoped. Everyone was already here. I scanned the room. Everyone but Nyssa and Oliver. Without looking at each other Malcolm and I separated and sat at separate ends on the room. We still faced so we could see each other so we could still signal. Thankfully Oliver came right in and looked around. He saw there was an empty seat in front of me and took it. 

I looked down, not wanting to see him. I wasn't sure what he was going to say and wasn't sure I was prepared for it. He stared at me, but said nothing. I think that may have actually hurt worse than him saying something. 

Ra's walked up and down the center and I looked at Malcolm briefly, he nodded his head and I could practically hear him saying, _'it's time.'_ I nodded and pulled up my sleeve, pressing down the button on the make-shift trigger. I looked to the air vents and held my breath, praying that this actually worked. And sure enough a hint of green smoke started pouring out of them. In seconds the dining hall quieted down. One by one you could hear the thuds of heads hitting the table. Malcolm and I dimmed our heads so we didn't stick out too much, but kept surveillance. 

Ten soldiers stood from the table, clearly, not affected. One of them was standing right by me.  _Fuck,_ I thought,  _why didn't we think of that._ I looked to Ra's who was standing by Malcolm. 

"What's happening?!" He bellowed, his face bright red. He looked at Oliver who was still awake and pointed his finger at him. "You! What have you done?"

Oliver just looked at him speechless. Ra's took a step forward and I made eye contact with Malcolm. He nodded his head and leapt from the table, pouncing on Ra's. I stood up then, too and slammed my fist into the face of the guard standing next to me. He reeled back and I quickly put him in a chocker hold, waiting until he was unconscious. Oliver backed from the table, clearly confused. The other guards pulled out their weapons and slowly started moving towards me. I drew my stick and hopped on the table, wanting the higher ground for the advantage. But I heard Malcolm scream out and saw him slam into the wall, going limp. 

Ra's looked at me and called for his men to halt. "You? You think you can betray me like this?" He asked. 

I stood tall, and dug deep for my big voice. "You brought this fate upon yourself, Ra's Al Ghul." 

He smiled and shook his head. "We will see what my fate is, but I know what yours will be. Guards. Kill her. Al Sah-him, if they fail it is your job." He walked to the door and I went to chase after him, but one of the soldiers had me at arrow-point. He turned back to me. "What a disappointment you turned out to be." He slipped through the doors and as they closed I swore I saw my life flash before my eyes. Oliver just stood there, dumbstruck.

The guard shot an arrow at me and I swatted it away easily. When he reached behind him for another I send one of the daggers Nyssa gave me flying and it found its home in his heart. Another charged forward, just his bare hands as weapons. I swiped him away easily, rending him unconscious. The next one came forward with a stick and swung low at my feet. I jumped up, avoiding it and landed behind him I turned around, ready to strike, but he was quicker. His stick slashed across my face, sending my mask flying off. "No!" I screamed. 

My eyes locked with Oliver, who nearly fell to his knees. 

"Felicity?" He asked, his hand reaching forward to me. The guard took this time to wrap me in a headlock and press a blade to my throat. Oliver had his arrow notched and pointing at the man's head before I could blink. "Don't move a muscle." I honestly wasn't sure if he was talking to me or the guard. 

"She a trait--" He stopped mid-sentence and fell to the floor. I looked down to see an arrow in his eye. 

I looked back up at Oliver, who still looked completely shocked and all I could think to say was, "So I guess we're even now?" 

He stuttered out a few syllables before his attention turned to over my shoulder. With six arrows he took care of the rest of the guards. Thank goodness for chaos, right? He looked at me and I felt scared all over again. I couldn't read him. Was he mad? Was he relieved? Was he sad? What? 

"I-I can explain," I started, "you see Ra's used the pit on me and I swear I wanted to tell you, but you know how evil villains are he was all 'you can't tell anyone or I'll slaughter you all!' And I have to give him credit, he does have a very sophisticated vocabulary and all, but he's really such a dick. Oh!" I exclaimed, reaching up to my ear and pressing the button so my voice was back to normal. "He did that, too, although, if we're being honest with each other I really like that voice much better than my normal voice. Oliver, I swear, I wasn't trying to hurt you, I just wanted to keep you safe and Roy and Laurel are on their way and I couldn't stop them so this was our only chance to-" 

He crossed the space between us and crushed his lips to mine. I kissed him back and tears spilt over my eyes. He pulled back and framed my face with his hands. "I thought I lost you. I barely survived it, Felicity. I thought you were gone forever." 

I placed my hands over his and stared into his eyes, "You could never lose me, Oliver. No matter what happens. Now, tomorrow, in a million years. Never, not for a second, doubt that." He laughed, but his eyes were filled with tears. "As much as I want to prolong this reunion, we need to kill Ra's." 

He nodded his head, his eyes turning dark with anger. "Ra's. Oh my God. All that you went through. He hurt you so badly. I'll fucking tear his head off."

He stormed away from me and I grabbed his hand. "Oliver, no. You can' t think like that," I said, then stopped myself. "Okay, actually, yes, yes you can, but first we need to check on Malcolm and find Nyssa and the others." As if on cue they rushed through the door. 

"Felicity!" Roy and Laurel exclaimed at the same time, rushing towards me. I ran to meet them and embraced them. They started talking to me all at once and I shushed them. 

"Guys, focus," I said, pulling back. "Did Nyssa tell you the plan?"

"Yes," She stepped forward, looking around. "Where is Ra's?" 

I sighed, "Not all of his men were effected by it, including him. He got away. We're lucky if we catch up to him before he leaves the island." We heard a moan from the other side of the room and Nyssa and I rushed over to Malcolm. "Hey, you okay?" 

He sat up and rubbed his head. "Did you guys get him?" He asked. I shook my head. "Shit. I didn't expect that many to be inoculated. I thought he would be the only ones.  _Stupid._ " 

"You're working with  _him?_ " Laurel asked, appalled. 

I turned to her. "You're going to have to trust me, Laurel. We don't have time to argue. Ra's could already be off the island." 

"Yeah... about that," Roy spoke up, "I think I probably slowed him down."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "How's that?" 

He shrugged his shoulders, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "I may or may not have lit the island on fire." 

My eyes went wide and I nodded my head. "I could kiss you in a totally non-sexual or pedifileish way." I turned to Malcolm, "Can you fight?" 

He nodded his head and stood up, "Let's do this." 

Oliver grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "It's time to tear this mother fucker apart," he growled. 

"One problem," Malcolm spoke up, "how do we know where he's going?"

"There was a second plane," Laurel said, "By where we landed ours. He must be going there." 

We took of sprinting down the hallways, skidding and twisting until we got to the door. We pushed it out and were met with a [wall of flames.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5I-ttgLKaU) 

"Ooohh boy," I said on an exhale, "you may have done too good a job, on this one, Roy." 

He shrugged his shoulders and we took off sprinting. We weaved our way through the flames, trying out best to stick together. I heart the cracking before I realized what it meant. Oliver pulled me to the ground and laid on top of my, covering my head with his hands. The burning tree made a sickening thud as if fell, separating us from the rest of the group. He rolled off of me, but inspected me. 

"Are you okay? Are you okay?" He screamed. 

I nodded my head, "Yes, yes I'm fine."

"Felicity! Oliver!" I heard Laurel scream.

I got as close to the tree as I could. "We're okay! Are you guys?" 

"Yes!" 

"Good," I answered, "meet us at the plane!" 

Oliver grabbed my hand again and turned to me. "You know, they were my friends first, why was your name called first?" 

"Seriously?!" I screeched, and he shrugged his shoulders and took off. I followed him, trying to focus on where his feet where hitting the ground. My breathing was ragged and painful. My muscles ached, but I pressed through. We made it to a clearing and Oliver cried out, falling to his knees. "What? What?" I screamed running in front of him. He had an arrow in his hip. He pulled it out and let a hiss of pain escape his lips, before pushing me out of the way. I looked over to see Ra's standing on the steps of his plane. 

"You two came a long way to die," He said, he voice laced with arrogant malice. 

"It's you who will be dying, you bastard!" Oliver screamed. He drew his sword and surged forward. Ra's drew his and met up with him. Their swords danced for what seemed like an endless time. I had never seen Oliver fight with such conviction. He was precise, and graceful. Steady, but quick. His eyes were pure fire. They were moving so quickly that I couldn't tell what was happening. I drew my stick, but hesitated. I didn't want to mess him up, but I didn't want to leave him alone, either. But then I heard Oliver scream and my world stopped. He dropped to his knees and Ra's raised his hand, about to deliver the finishing strike. Oliver turned to look at me, his eyes locking on mine. I reached into my belt and grabbed another dagger, praying that I could do this. I threw it and it sunk itself into Ra's wrist. He cried out and dropped the sword, which flew away from him. Oliver collapsed onto his hands and clutched his side. 

Ra's looked at me with fiery hatred in his eyes. "How dare you." He drew his stick and charged forward. I blocked him and then matched him strike for strike. We danced with the sticks for what felt like forever. But then he slipped up and I drew my stick across his face, just like he had done to me the first time we fought he. Stumbled back and I slammed it into his ribs. But the force of the hit cracked it in half. He grabbed the other half and slashed the jagged edge across my face. It dug into my eyebrow and my vision became blurry. His fist connected with my eye and I stumbled back a few steps. With a front kick I stumbled back again, tripping on something. He stood over me, smiling.  "You were never good enough," He cooed, before plunging the stick into my abdomen. I heard Oliver scream, but I couldn't move. Shock overtook me and I felt no pain. He leaned in closer, "hopefully you stay alive long enough to watch him die as well. Pathetic bitch."

"Actually," I choked out, pulling his sword up from the ground at my side and plunging it through his chest, "It's assassin bitch to you." 

Blood trickled down his chin and he looked down, shocked at what just happened. He raised his hand and took his ring off, sliding it into my hand. "It seems I trained you too well, Felicity Smoak." And then he fell backwards. Dead. 

Oliver crawled over to me, as I tried to keep my eyes open. He Sat up and cradled my head in his lap. "Hey, hey, hey," he cooed, his eyes swimming, "stay with me okay? Stay with me, baby. " 

I struggled to draw in a breath and just tried to enjoy the warmth of him. I coughed and cringed. "I guess.... I guess we're not even anymore," I croaked out. "You owe me one more thing." 

He nodded his head and smoothed out my hair. "That's right, that's right, I do Felicity. So stay with me until we get home and then I'll do whatever you want. I promise." 

I managed to get a small laugh out. But my breathing was slowing down and I could hardly see Oliver's face anymore. "Promise me... Promise me you'll be happy." I felt his tears on my face. 

"I love you, Felicity." He whispered in my ear." 

"I... love... you... too..." I said, before diving into the darkness.

* * *

My head felt like it was swimming. I was laying on something... cold. Panic coursed through me. _Frack,_ I thought,  _I was back in my cell._  Images flashed through my mind. I tried to piece them together so they made sense. Something was... beeping? What was that? Was it getting faster? 

"Guys, she's waking up!" A random voice said. 

No, not a random voice. I knew that voice. But how did I know that voice? 

"Felicity?" A deep, husky voice teased in my ear, "Wake up sweetheart. Come on, baby, open your eyes." 

That voice... that voice... that.. Oliver! My eyes shot open and I sat straight up.

"Woah, woah!" He said, but laughter was in his voice. "Take it slow, take it easy." 

A light blinded me. I squinted again it and raised my hand to try and block it. 

"Jesus, get that damn thing out of her face, Nyssa." Someone said. No, not someone. John! 

I turned my head to see their faces, but my eyes landed on the blue of Oliver's. I stared into them for a moment without speaking. "Are we all dead?" There were chuckles all over the room and it drew my attention away from Oliver. I saw Roy and Thea, Laurel and Quentin, Nyssa, Oliver and... "John!" He rushed forward and wrapped his arms around me. 

"It's really good to see you, kid." He said, his voice shaking with emotions. 

"Wow, that must have hurt, Ollie," Laurel teased. 

My eyes filled with tears as I pulled back and looked at Oliver. "I don't understand... how?" 

Nyssa stood forward, a sheepish grin playing on her face, "We may or may not have used the pit on you... a second time..." 

"Wait, what?" John asked, his eyes snapping to me, "A  _second_ time?" 

Nyssa put her hand on his shoulder and shook her head, "Not now. In time, I promise." 

Oliver stepped forward, grabbing my hand and pressing his lips to it. "You're home, Felicity. You're safe." 

I tried to stop the smile from forming from my lips. There were still so many questions I had. "Ra's?" 

"Dead," Nyssa said, "You did it. You killed him. Although, I am a bit disappointed that you didn't wait and let me have a shot at it..." 

The all laughed. I looked back at Oliver who cupped my cheek with his hand. "Is this real?" I asked.

He laughed and softly pressed his lips to mine. "Yes, Felicity. It is." Tears spilled over my eyes and I wrapped my arms around his neck burring my face in his hair. He laughed and wrapped his arms tightly around me. After a few moments he pulled back, and I whimpered in protest. "Don't worry," he said, grabbing my hand again, "I just thought that you'd want to go get something to eat. All of us. Together." 

I looked around my beautiful family. My heart was soaring in my chest.  _We did it. We beat him. And I didn't lose anyone._ My eyes found their way back to Oliver's. Their way back to my home, and I smiled. "Frack yes!" 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot thank you all enough for your support and time. It's really been a roller coaster from start to finish, and honestly, I cannot thank you enough for sticking out my silly little story. It means the absolute world to me. I hoped that you at least liked it a little, and it wasn't a complete waste of your time. If you really liked it, I'd like to remind you that it's only part one of a three-part series I've concocted. 
> 
> So until next time, happy hunting, and thank you all, so, so much!! <3 (:


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